thoughts..

Music....
it calms your mind..
it lets your imagination run wild....
its lets you listen..
it lets you speak..
it lets you think..
it lets you see..
it lets you hope...
it lets you dream...
it lets you unwind..
it lets you fly...
it lets you go back..
it lets you love..
dreams..hope..reality...dont seem to go along sometimes..
sometimes..

blue ocean...friends to be with.....love....family.....cold breeze on your face...'golden' fields.....
thats all u need...hope...hope and hope..just hope... thats all u need..
reality will wear the same colours as dreams...
the ocean will be blue again...the sky....will be clear...
the grand piano will start playing again..the words will start rhyming again..the violin will be as pleasant as ever..
The music...will be music again..to fuel your dreams...to let you hope..to let you achieve....
It.. will never die...like all good things.. hope will never die!

looking ahead

Sitting on the balcony...drinking a cup of hot coffee....rain washing the window to the world...though it needs no washing.. the thought that life sometimes is not fair...moments sometimes desert you...sometimes they just linger on..to let u know...to paint your world gray..

moments...the thought...the gray skies...the cold breeze...biting into the skin...exposed...he decided against those things that would brighten his day...things that would keep him warm...things that are his..things that need his attention..things that he has no longing for...

to experience the rain..something not done for a long time..the rain ..like a thousand swords...a million swords...relentless...started its onslaught on the poor soul....one who was daring...to step out..of the shadows (so he thought..haha)..into the open...where the grass seemed greener...leaving the moments behind...things that he held on to..his past... his mouth opened for once..not to let out any secrets..just to feel the sting...

The castle..with all the walls built around him...so many times he tried to break through..It just grows stronger by the minute...all his anger feeding the walls..no wonder he had a tonne load of patience...it just was in his fate.. it was not everyday that he hears footsteps apart from his...no one liked him..no one cared for him..life seemed so hard when you are by yourself...when things go past you as if to say...you’re too slow..you DO NOT belong here...the wind stops...the sun shines elsewhere..the rain stops..there is no life..the only sound that is audible is the heartbeat...its just a matter of time before its all quiet...so quiet ..that its deafening..

dreaming of the past...all the people who cried..all who loved him...all who hated him..tears have their own way..for once he could not wipe his tears...the rain never forgives..reality never fades...or does it..."it does not fade, I can see it fading right now..hehehe" ...

his once bright eyes...don’t seem to be able to see anything....it seemed more dark then it was actually...his knees weak...falling into the ground...the grass...so close..he could smell it...the rain drops on the blades...shone brighter...there must be some light...the drops so pure..he would be amongst the purest of things around..his soul set free...would clear so many things...it was difficult to imagine...all that happened on that day...no one knew...his hand was...once held...later held the coffee mug...the one that was flavored...by a flavor he never drank before..something that he always wanted to drink..something that was not very easy to get...it was his ambrosia..his coffee..his 'life'..his 'future'....

taking another pill.."this should make me better"...or so he thought.....as he always thought..atleast this was going to end his thoughts…..the rain must stop..sometime..someday…

stand by me!!

stand by me!
when i was hurt..standing all on my own...i knew i dint have to look around...coz you were standing by me..
i have crossed the thorny islands of fire...
when the brightness of darkness hit me...i was dazed..
i thought i was all alone..
but u were right there..standing by me...
i know there are places to go...
things to do...
i know the path ahead is not rosy...
i know the next part of the journey is not easy..
but then what i see after this rough journey is what keeps me going..
and i need you to stand by me...just the way you are right next to me..

I just hope u had a magic wand...
To push all the worries away...
to push all the distance away...
to get closer...
If only you had a magic wand...if only you had the magic wand :-)


you seem to be far off...
i just need to close my eyes to feel you..
but its easier said then done...
you have been a joy to me..
Like a ...like a.....

I cant believe it...
you and me.... I am still not sure how i got this lucky..
look up above...
and almighty tells me..
son, you are not dreaming..
it is real!!
please stand by me as you have always done..

For all the troubles i caused...
for all the things i shared with you..
for all the trust you gave me..
for all the love you gave me...
For standing by me...
my life...will still not equal the balance..

please stand by me..
for all the things that are left to be done..
there are quite a lot of things i need to do without you right next to me..
but i know you are there...guiding me through these times...

you are my life...missy......

PS: i have been listening to a lot to 'Stand by me' by john lennon and Oasis.... i hope these above lines are different from those in the songs (which are brilliant!!!)


EDIT: Does not matter any more. It was waste of all the energy and effort I had all these years.

the Bonnie 'D'

Serious Disclaimer: This post has no reference to Boney M, nor the 'D' company nor
Bonnie Irani( where did he come from!?).



The usual beginning to the day. The alarm rang. You put it to snooze. Then it rings again. You snooze it again. hope that time suddenly stops but you are not slowed by time. You can sleep for ages that way! Struggling to open my eyes I chant the daily mantra, fold my bed, put my phone for charge and run to the bathroom!

Sometimes i feel i can sleep for ever if there is no water in this world to wash my face!..Just a few moments ago i was cribbing so badly...now i am all set to go to the next step. Catch the bus to work ( works brings a :-( to my face, but still i am eager to go for reasons other than work :D). Walking down, was confident to get onto the earlier bus. reached the stop and was eagerly(?) waiting for the bus. 5 mins..No signs of any bus..10 mins still no signs of any bus...15 mins...patience ran out..Called my friend to confirm that the bus dint come (or we missed the bus...does not matter which one...it was gone)..
Now the second part… was too lazy to walk down to another bus stop (2 KM away ) and catch a city bus to another place to catch the company bus. Now you see exactly why i was lazy. Its freakin too much work! looked for an auto and after haggling with a couple of guys finally got an auto to go where i wanted to go. i was relieved. Finally on the way to office. Reached the 'spot', the meter was exactly 32 bucks, got off and gave him a 100 ruppee.. .’Saaaar, no change saar'. Hmmm give him a 50 rupee note.... 'Saaar i have only 10 rupees’ saar, neeve Bonnie mardthaidhira (you are my first passenger for today and Bonnie means you are the first one to pay today)..no change'! . Arrey so what the..what the ...freakin what shd i do...in middle of nowhere where would i get change. No time. Took the 10 ruppee coin(s) from him. walked down to the other side of this 300 feet wide road (i am sure its this wide). 5 mins no bus...10 mins no bus...argggggg …patience running out soon. Finally the company bus..how i love to see the sight of this bus! ( I am sarcastic). Got into the bus after 'flashing' my ID-COD (when the driver asked where is ur ID-COD ..hahah... :D ) .. he gave me the book and a pen to make an entry as to what time he came to the stop. This was done normally by the first person who got into the bus. and then i realized i was the first ONE....ah! I made Bonnie again..though he dint say the word..

It was a suprise that i found my friend getting into the bus in the next stop... Was chatting along the way till we reached a 'Jam'. It was unlikely at this time but I decided to ignore it and take a much needed nap..15 mins...opened my eyes...errr...'Are we at the same place mate?' ...'yes we are'...shit...what a day! ... the reason the bus dint move an inch...there was this huge mob of people blocking the road just ahead...red flags...loud noises...there were 3 cops in all. And over 300 people for sure!
waited ...waited...patience ran out. at the wrong time....it was 8 already...and the last bus from this place going in the opposite direction must have just left...damn...wat quick thinking ..duh!

somehow sensed the crowd getting a little restless...heard 2-3 'Bangs' on the sides of the bus..realized before we are burnt inside the bus...lets run.. my friend and I got off the bus and to the other side of the mob hoping to catch an auto taking a U turn....found one but it was already occupied...the driver requested the 'occupant' to allow the 2 poor souls inside the auto...he agreed and we happily got in...here i have to mention that this is the first time i got into a running auto!! seriously this guy took off before i got one leg inside...somehow got in...survived yet another scare..
Ok..now this guy...the auto driver dropped us off midway saying he is gonna take another route completely..got off...and asked him how much...guess what he said... 'saaaar neeve Bonnie saaar'!!! freakin …am I the Bonnie man for this day or what!!! paid him the correct change as he dint have any money...as this was his Bonnie...argg..who invented this word....This has to be the Bonnie Day!!!

Took another auto from there to another place where i would be getting a company bus...got to the stop and waited patiently for the bus..5 mins, no Bus...10 Mins, No bus... 15 Mins, No bus...patience running out slowly...
Finally a bus emerges.. Some how i have this feeling that this is the same bus that was supposed to be burnt down...When I got down, there were only 5 poeple in this bus...But now the entire Bus is packed and i have no place to sit..Dint get into the bus..waited 'patiently' for the next bus...cursed all the bad people i know..for this horrendous journey...

Finally after another 15 mins got a bus to office...un fortunately sat on the wrong side of the bus...sun shining directly onto your face!...got burnt...baked...reached office like a roasted chicken :(...
imagine my plight....2 buses... 3 auto's...lots of walking involved...running involved(in the auto remember?)... and more importantly all the BONNIE's...
left home at 6:40...reached office at 9:40...a 3 hour sightseeing trip...(the actual travel time is 1 hour!!)
the Result...got up 5-10 mins from the next day... but as i am writing this...i realize i missed my bus today too!! but the trip was not all this bad!! :)

dazed..

The alarm goes off. Yet another day. The room is so dark. ah..this is the daily routine...A bird..it flies so gracefully in the sky. A group of birds. a perfect orchestra. They can change
direction when they wish. But they fly anywhere that they want never sticking to a definitive
path. Never holding on to any direction. All's well they say. As long as they get food and they
reach their destination. I always wonder. Why cant we do this. Why are we afraid of the Change.
Why are we still holding our line even though it seems utterly hopeless. Why are we not as free in mind as the birds. "free as the birds"!
I keep thinking, speaking to myself, practice the lines. Over and over again. But the day never
comes. it keeps evading me! I really dont wanna think. The more you think theIts just one bumpy
ride after another.. But we all reach where we wanna go.. but it really not the lovely journey you have been
imagining..'Perseverance is the key my friend!' .. haha...thats too funny...
Looking out of a window at anytime...a vendor on the street smiles.. the small girl teasing her
dog is all smiles..the mother who is trying to tame her ever so vibrant kid..in between all the
irritation on her face..she smiles...the kid smiles...the frown is turing into a smile...but its
like a mask..a shroud on a tearful person...
Time to go.. this may not be there tommorrow... I may not be here to see it.. 'Life's short..enjoy
it' ..haha..ur getting funnier by the moment.. i should appreciate ur humour..its almost like u
can predict whats gonna happen...argg..this alarm does not give up.. ah, i remember, Its called
Perseverance..always keeps reminding me..time's up dude!.. u better be prepared..i wish i can shut of all the things.. Wanna get into This helium balloon.. and fly away...I just need some colours to paint my world..all kinds of colours..black..grey...but its too expensive..can i afford it?
I cant feel my feet..But as i look behind me..I have left my foot prints in the sand..its still there... 'Yeah..I was there'. . 'U can definetely go ahead and do better'... i swear u should be a script write of a comedy movie.. haha...ur too funny... i envy u..

I can see it. I can hear it. The storm is getting closer. I am sure of this. am I prepared?

First step into the Abyss!

"shit,....... this is not how i thought this would be!" ...
carefully balancing his legs on the crevices of the rock face...one
hand gripping the tree growing off the rock face..the other still
struggling to hold on to a small opening.. damn..."Blessed by the
Devil himself"... Looking up he can still see the rock edge on
which he was standing moments ago... he sees another 'he' standing
on the very edge looking down at him mockingly.menacingly..Laughing
at his own fate....
Warm liquid dripping from his face onto his hand gave some comfort
from the cold breeze.... he was almost 20 feet away from
safety...and getting to the top was almost
impossible....considering that he could not hold onto where he was
now! looking over his shoulder towards the west...it was one of the
most picturesque sight he has ever seen...the sun at its biggest
ever...disappearing just behind the ocean..ah the ocean...'a blue
water body, managing to conceal all the turbulent happenings
underneath and still maintain a calm exterior'... his mind was
wandering....isn’t there storms that manage to ruffle the seemingly
calm exterior of the ocean?.. the calmness in the
environment....the 'orangish sky'....blue ocean with streaks of
orange reflecting the 'remains' of the once dominant sun..'is it
really that red all around or is it'... nothing lasts for ever..the
smile ,the frown....cold breeze...ah...now he shivers...'this cold
breeze is killing me'... pain is such a funny thing...as long as you
dont pay attention to it, it will not hurt you..once you give into
it..it grips your mind like a vice...you start sliding...into the
abyss..Only the strong return...only the strong..

Clearing his mind of all the 'pleasant' thoughts!..' I gotta get
out of this 'place', shouting for help will not help.. There is not
a soul in place'...The madness in him subsided.. Its really funny
that only when you have everything to lose you realize the
importance of not doing certain things that you did and also things
that you ought to have done but you dint.. He smiled.. 'I have
nothing to lose!.. no body would miss me anyways... except maybe
for the plastic cards in his wallet'... haha..a loud laugh echoing
through to the vast ocean..There's humor in all things in
life...just got to figure this out. like a beating heart in every
living person...

'I cant hold on anymore'...even the rush of adrenalin...the help
from upstairs to hold on...seems to waning....weak arms and
legs...bruises all around...red liquid blinding one eye...'i never
thought i would this lonely...f*%k you..i am not....i don’t F*&$*n
care..'...the second time the decision had to be made..'i would see
you again...maybe not'...a small slip..on his way he went...it was
a different feeling...looking at the cliff and the sky in the
background..moving further and further away..smiling..there's
nothing i can do...all the memories flashing before his eyes..His parents, friends and..Things that happened just a few moments ago. Somehow this was satisfying..A strong reply to pain and suffering...'You cannot hurt me further'...'Sorry Mom..please forgive me'..wind rushing through his ears..a different feeling when you fly for the first time...One final look at the sky and he closed his eyes with one thought lingering on his mind...'i should have not jumped in the first place'...

'When the heart rules..it's either a lot of joy or a lot of pain'
- contributed by 'smee! :)