Monday, August 04, 2008

deep is not where you want to be

going under..Deep...
maybe its not that deep...
maybe its not too far...
maybe its not that bad..
maybe its not that sad
Slow down..?
Maybe i can see more clearly..
I need not worry about stoppng for a while...
I can find any easy solution..
'any' would not do for that matter..
but a solution would do..
maybe its close..
maybe i know the place..
maybe i can think right..
maybe it just as easy as it does not look...
Yes i know the way..
i am just going insane..

Friday, August 01, 2008


sometimes i wonder, what wrong did I do, sometimes i know I should not think so much, since I am who I am. I could not have been better, or worse. I did what I thought was right at every moment. I thought people who you think understand you well would see over your shortcomings and understand the true you. But then again, the practical side inside me shouts at me "you loser, you screwed up everything, stop finding any reasons, YOU are the cause". Just feels like an asteroid from the land of misery just destroyed everything that I had built, all my hopes, my happiness. everything. This continuous blame-hate relationship i have with myself never even thinks of loving myself. Not that I feel sorry for myself, life is a hard teacher. time is a wonderful thing, it takes you to the magic world, where everything is perfect then takes you for a ride, where you crash into all the things that seemed perfect, bringing everything to the floor and you to your knees. why did the magic stop? the only path ahead is a long lonely one. I see no trees, no water, nothing, except barren land that is devoid of any life all around me. may be the earth is just blending in, to what i have become, barren. sometime back i might have been a cure, but now i have somehow turned into a disease that needs to thrown away..
being 'wanted' is such a great feeling, it seems like you have a goal, something to look forward to. Everyone would go their way, I need to go.
pink floyd brings so much of painful relief, though its just coincidental that when things go wrong, there is at least someone who can understand what you are going through. the following lines of this song called "lost for words" by floyd, always bring tears to my eyes.
"Can you see your days blighted by darkness?
Is it true you beat your fists on the floor?
Stuck in a world of isolation
While ivy grows over the door"
well there is no conclusion..this is how life is..this is how things will always be...this is how you will be..this is how people will look at you...after all this is just 'another day in paradise'

Looking for: I'm looking for a life partner who is an open minded individual, an honest person, an intellectual personality, a caring human being and an understandable person for a life time of marital bliss and happiness. One who believes in living life to the fullest and can be a good friend.