keep the door open!

Every Friday at my office its bagel+muffin+cake day. Lots of cream cheese, tomato spread and juices and so on. The first time I was introduced to this foodie morning, what caught my eye was not the food. :-)

I met a few friends at coffee place yesterday evening. Biting cold, but i still managed without any head gear. I was waiting in line to place my order and noticed that I could see a reflection of myself on a huge mirror. hmmm, i looked the same as i was a year back, but for two differences.

I have lost hair, and I am out growing my pants. :(

Immediately I took gym membership and started playing badminton.

went home and applied hair oil! :D

sometimes i think i am Superman,
sometimes i think i am just normal,
sometimes i cannot recollect who i am.
but i know,
I am not a Superman,
i don't have superhuman powers,
i am just a normal guy, who...

begining of fall.

it just happens to be a couple of weeks back, i was so much complaining about the heat and the humidity here. I got more irritating when i told my colleagues here that back in bangalore(I hate calling it bengaluru, i think the name just does not suit the cool(temprature wise and 'coolness' wise too!)ness of the city), it was way much cooler than this.
anyways...its been hot and humid every day here for the last 3 months reaching temperatures above 40 C ..now that is really hot for me..i have never been in such 'extreme' conditions before for a long streeeeeeetch of time.
now the last 2-3 days, temperatures have dropped by a a massive 10C (I like numbers and i am fascinated by them). Driving down with the windows open is just massively refreshing. Cool wind to the face, music in the ears, (and lots of tyre squeal and need to get it checked :( ). This is how San Franscisco is almost through the year, cool/chilly breeze accompanied by days where the sun shone so brightly that you could have swore you saw a beach full of bikini clad women. but things are not what they appear.
The chilly pleasant weather just signals the start of the fall season. I will enjoy the weather, I will enjoy the bright colors that fall brings with it, I will enjoy wearing more layers of clothes to keep the winter from getting me,and also I am looking forward to certain things, and hoping that those certain things will fall back into place! (crossed fingers :) )

michael schumacher is going to be back, behind the wheels of a(the) Ferrari F1 car. Now how much joy this brings to me , you cannot imagine.
it just feels like good old times, flashback ...


EDIT: Oh well he pulled it off... :(

the forbidden 'garden'

'hey, where are you going? that place is restricted'
'hey you, stop , the camera's will get you and the hounds will catch up with you soon'

'which hounds? don't tell me they are the same one's as last time around'

' Yes, the hounds that will chase you down are passé and rechazo. they are the master's favorite hounds and they will be sent to hunt you down.'

'damn they seem to be the only one's that are sent to hunt me down'

'why do you even want to go to this place? Trust me, if get caught, the hounds will make you pay with your flesh and blood. It will not be pleasant sight'

'I just want to try harder than the previous time so that I do escape passé and rechazo. I know I can outrun them and give your Master something to think about. As for the bloodshed, I really don't want physical wounds to keep me down, and they won;t keep me down.'

'Why are you angry with the Master. Is he not your Master as well?'

'yes he is'

'Then why?'

'I saw two people sleeping in my room, both were covered head to toe. i caught one of them to find out who it is. it was someone i recognized, pale, weak, but with with a set of eyes, very bright and very menacing. he pulled me close to the light to take a look at my face. the flipside was i saw this face. I freeze everytime i think of the face; white, pale, lifeless, scary and so on....'

'how is any of this related to my question?'

'yes they are related. only your Master could have sent him there. I could have been let off by not getting to see him. let off? no why should i talk about let off, i dint do anything wrong. you see where i am getting at? you say your Master is all powerful, and this is what I had to go through. I just don't want this to be a start, i don't want this to be an end, i just want to pretend i never saw him.'

'I am sorry about that, my Master would have a reason for it. I am sure about it'

'I hope there is a reason too, I respect your Master as much as you do, but I need some answers, and I am going to find it one way or the other. And that is precisely why I am going in again. as for your hounds, I WILL bring them to their knees, maybe this time, or next time. It will happen for sure. When i learn what i want to learn, there will be this sense of everlasting peace, which will be my ambrosia. you can tell the Master of what i said, I am sure he is hearing it right now. but i d'ont want to sit down waiting for everything in my life to pass by.'

'I wont stop you, I just hope you make peace with my Master, and the hounds and most importantly with yourself. Take care, I will atleast see to it that the hounds are released after sometime to give you a head start. I owe you atleast this much. good luck my friend.'

'thanks! '

and like that he was gone( into the garden that was unfortunately forbidden..... only for him)

anniversary?

rollercoaster was talking to me about her 4th anniversary after she joined her first job. she listed life and friends and fights and so on on on on ... I was wondering.. what can i say about any kind of anniversary that is important...hmmm
oh ya...had been to aerosmith concert a couple of years back. and guess what, to celebrate this I am going another aerosmith concert here! in a week's time, vkarthi, dd, pindu and me will be going to the concert.... errr its not a front row seat(or just standing) like last time, its a lawn ticket , far off from the stage... but the music will be real and I hope it gets dark by the time the music starts, would be nice to see a starry summer sky! With DD around, beer is not too far off..so beer and burger(?) and chips and what ever else... the biggest difference from the last aerosmith concert, is simply that when i went last time, i knew a few songs of aerosmith and thought they were really good. but this around, having heard quite a lot of them over the last year or so, I KNOW they are brilliant and i am sure to sing out loud atleast most of them if not all of them!
aerosmith, here i comeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.


_________________________________________________________________

EDIT: The concert has been postponed to sometime later. That sucks.

one of the days when solitude is bliss!

white fence bordering the green fields. The contrast was very evident even in this twilight that was closer to the night than the day. The fence looked as if it had been painted just that afternoon. The crescent Moon low on the horizon, just above the only tree manning the entire landscape. Scattered cattle grazing. birds(very few) flying across the sky making a pattern that would put the constellations to shame. The Sun that is already rising elsewhere still left its 'after effects' proving how powerful it indeed is. A few clouds hovering the west sky accentuating the golden light. I just hope I wasn't driving, otherwise I could have had my gaze fixed at this picture postcard bettering scene. With music in my ears, this put a smile on my face after a dreary and a long day at work. I wonder, had I taken my camera along, would I have been able to capture it all? But in hindsight, it really does not matter. If I did have a chance of seeing this over and over again on my desktop (arggggggg.. computer has taken over my life, cant write anything without mentioning it), it might have taken the magic away. Thank God for the lovely sunsets and starry nights, only then can we look forward to sunrises!

walkin away

I hope you do understand how difficult it was for me to write the last two lines?"
"why? I thought you really meant it"

"Duh! Yes I did mean what I wrote, but I wanted to add something else too. Oh, and I did get more than just one word from your side in response."
"what did you want to write?"

":-), I am glad you asked (On a lighter note you seem to have got my questioning trait :D ). Nothing much, I just wanted to say no one can replace you. And I am sure no one will ever love you more than I do. (I know, sounds arrogant, sorry tried my best for a better line, but considering my muddled state of mind, I am just about able to string words together that make some sense)."

Silence

"I seemed to have lost the knack of making interesting and meaningful conversation"
"Dont say like that...."

Silence

"Sorry, I seem to always instill this sense of sadness in you sometimes. But ya I wanna thank you for all the time you spent with me (I never knew it was limited). Those are the memories that still keep me going now, truly. And you can never imagine how much it still means to me! :) "
The sky is white wet with the light of the moon. ah, the lake will be simply brilliant in the moon lit, otherwise dark sky, just gazing away into the distance. Actually I do go to a lake here, the only difference is that i don't have a have a hand to hold on to. (now thats y i shd learn swimming, can then do it alone!)

Silence

The past is always there to cut you when you are at the weakest point  and watch you bleed!! not to death,no-no-no, its not so generous. All alone, but ya, i have deserved most of the stick I have been receiving"

Silence

"All I have to say is "Thanks" for being there for so long. I do not need you anymore.(sorry if this sounded rude, i Dint mean to sound rude)"

"(Sigh!! . I know  you dint mean to sound rude)"

Footsteps leading away, only on pair though. Bright light shone through from the end which was blocked by the very person whose foot steps are hardly audible now. "I should move from this place, staying here would only prove to the world something I dint want to share. Its too bright, need to shield my eyes. Well, I keep my mouth shut when I have time to speak, and when I do decide to open my mouth to speak, the moment has passed! The result, I just start speaking and living in the past. There are so many times I decided to end it all, but the responsibilities on me, outweigh any other thoughts for now. I have to stick to my responsibilities for now, to get it over with first....
I guess this is one of the days with nothing on my mind except introspection. It's bad to have days like this pretty often. Just that I am going through this phase in life, where the best way to tackle it is to stay as calm as possible and believe that no one actually cares. That should bring some peace. It does actually"
************************************************************************************

PS: A friend of mine read it and was like "is this a private conversation"? I almost burst into laughter. I would not put up a personal conversation on a public forum like this! Just to make it clear, neither I nor anyone I know has had any 'emotional' 'heart melting/warming' 'awwwwing' 'depressive' 'saddening' blah blah conversation as above! If anyone of you had this type of conversation, my apologies.

fix me!

Coldplay. Listened to them when i was in my undergraduate.
i knew only one song, 'Yellow'. I never bothered to listen to anything else from them. then i got introduced to scientist, trouble . but they seemed normal. Nothing that would make me sit up and take notice.

Last summer in California, I was supposed to go to the coldplay concert. I wanted to listen to all their songs before i went. I fell in love with "clocks". I felt that was their best. There were other amazing songs as well, 'shiver' , 'everythings not lost', X&Y', 'dont panic'...........and so on.
I was unable to make it to the concert, though.

But then came 'fix you', and 'Till kingdom comes'. It's like they have taken over all the time I have for music (which is quite a lot in a day!).

Well this is not a tribute to coldplay or tribute to their song(i am pretty sure this post does not do any justice) . But yes, they are one amazing band and if you take time to read their lyrics, they move a notch up on your playlist!

In the present state of mind, i cannot think of any other band(rather, any other song) that would make me feel good (in a depressive way though!) other than coldplay/fix you.

"When you try your best but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Tears stream down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face
And I

Tears stream down your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down your face
And I

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you "

san franscisco trip!

Its been a long time since i wrote something. Every time I think I should write something, I cant decide what to write.
I am just bored sitting at office waiting for a meeting scheduled after a few hours. Listening to music, I have somehow got hooked to Hindi songs in the last couple of weeks. It feels like I have always listened to them! It all started with a trip to California a month back. Now that is a trip I can talk about and I have decided what to write about! :D
It all started with an elaborate plan with nrn,vkarthi, and me talking about visiting vinku residing in Sunnyvale on his birthday. Soon vkarthi was back to the US and the plan slowly started taking shape
There were two important things in the planning. One was getting chimpu to come from Seattle to San Fransisco and another was to keep this entire thing secret.
The air tickets were getting booked for me and vkarthi on two computers simultaneously.... after mine got through and hers was rejected, we realized there was only one available ticket on that flight! luckily that night, our night boy, nrn found another ticket on the same iterarny and hey, we felt that we were already on the way! unfortunately nrn could not join us owing to other commitments...
ah. Ticket to San Fransisco, car booked, and the thought of surprising vinku, we were really excited.
I reached the airport on time and found out that the flight we were traveling on was delayed by over 4 hours and hence our connecting flight would leave without us in it! vkarthi arrived and we were wondering..hmmmm.... "we return the tickets and get a refund" (The tickets were bloody expensive!) . Then for the noble cause of attending the birthday party(even though we were going to be late) we stuck to the plan. Boarded the delayed flight (which was deserted, only 6-10 passengers on the flight, the staff outnumbered us!) , reached DC and spent the night after parking our backsides on some chairs in DC. Luckily no further drama, and the morning flight came on time and we were on it.

The only thing that was bright at DC airport was what u see in the pic. vkarthi taking a walk and trying to get various shots.

The flight from DC to SF flies over the Rockies, and what a sight they were. I wonder why none of us actually took any pics. But from snow covered peaks to clouds flowing over the mountain top like water falling over a swollen lake, the last leg of the journey was really beautiful.
Called chimpu as soon as we landed in SF and waited for chimpu and vinku to get to the airport. Vinku dint know we were there, I just cdnt believe that vinku thought chimpu came to the airport to verify tickets or something like that! We saw chimpu, who danced and jumped like a true chimp on seeing us (vkarthi was truly impressed :D) . Then met vinku. It felt great meeting those two, felt like old times again! :)

Then on we were determined to make most of the 36 hours we had in SF. We ate at this place called "Dosa" in SF. The food was yum and tasted really good, we were the only desi's in that restaurant. Somehow chimpu stuck his head inside the kitchen and found out that the cooks were desi's only! So we were not overtly flattered, but still the food was really good.

Another trip to the lombard street
(crooked street , shown below) and the
golden gate bridge(On the right) followed.





The highlight of the day was neither of the two. It was the sunset spectacle at Half moon bay near SF.
All 4 of us took out our cameras (only vinku had an SLR at that time, vkarthi has one now and me will have one soon! :) ), kept cliking photos like there's no tommorrow.

The pic on the right somehow reminds me of RDB! :) (thanks vkarthi!)
I can only guess that we might have taken over 200 pics amongst all of us in like 20-30 minutes.

Then the drive back home, lots of catching up and then dinner. No prices for guessing what was for dinner. Pizza and coke :( . Pizza and coke are so much a part of our diet here that I feel sorry for us! We ate pizza, drank 'socially' and crashed! we were dead tired.

The next day we went to Big Sur, well the plan was to get there early. But as it happens all the time, we left home close to noon and were really hungry. But we drove on like true warriors who wanted to explore the place rather than sit and waste time in a restaurant. The drive was absolutely brilliant.
I have stayed in California during the summer. But I did not see the green pastures and green hills at all. It was just remains of numerous forest fires at that time. But this time, it was just mindblogging 'fresh green scenery'. We jostled places within the car to get into the best position to click.
Considering there were 3 of us (Vinku, vkarthi and me) drunk on photography from quite some time, it was only natural for chimpu to feel that he is missing out on something!! Slowly during the day we saw a transformation in him. He sat closer to the flowers, and if the flowers were not in the frame, not to worry, he would just yank the branches to get the flowers in the frame!!!! but overall all 4 of us enjoyed the sights and the sounds(of the camera clicks) :) .
We did end up eating at a restaurant and spending an hour there. But the restaurant was sort of peaceful with a stream running close by. The insides of the restaurant was bright with colored strips of cloth forming the roof.
Big sur trip was more of driving on California 1 highway and also seeing two places that vkarthi and I discussed over many days before we actually came; bixby bridge and pfeiffer state park. The pfeiffer state park has this magnificent water falls (the pic u see on the left!)

The journey back to airport was one of the 'tensesest' drives I have ever had. We dropped vinku at his place, packed our bags, and ran (drove, but ran sounds mo dramatic). In the car, no one spoke. We reached the rental agency, dropped the car, and ran to our terminals(we did run!!). bid adieu to chimpu on the way coz his flight was from a diff terminal. vkarthi and I boarded the flight and felt a HUGE sigh of relief! The next day at JFK airport, we took a pic of ourselves. I then realized that 'red eye' flights, really cause red eyes!! :D

vkarthi's trip saw her see as many dogs as there were cables holding the golden gate bridge(ok not so many, but a lot compared to the seemingly dry spell when she does not bump into any). Her "Can I say hello to them" somehow echoes in my mind every time I see a dog !!! :). Vinkus cinamon shots, something i have never tasted before, hmmm was different. The way chimpu slept with booze bottles all around him was funny :D ..Also chimpu's chimp like happiness on seeing us in the airport was a red bull equivalent after the long and dreary flight! vinku's "dont leave guys" when we were leaving was heart touching :P . These are some memories that I would look upon fondly.
It was a tired tired weekend, but one of the best!
Finally done with the post! :)

The pics in this post are not taken by me entirely. Its from Vinku's, vkarthi's and my camera. For those interested, I have the uploaded a few more pics of the trip, please click on the photo below:

Vinku's birthday - California trip

:)

Inspiration.. for me........even now when i look at it, i cant help smiling... its  a poster that reminds of me someone from long long time back..

i want

"dear god,
i want a job,
i dont want to lose good friends,
i want to add to my list of really good friends,
i want to go to a concert where U2, GnR and aerosmith play in the same night,
i want to feel the happiness of being in love, hmmm.. "I am in love with the idea of being in love"
i want to learn to let go of everything and not hold onto to anything,
i want to watch a live formula one race,
i want to learn to play guitar,
i want to just take off every now and then to some really peaceful place,
i want the patience of a sage,
i want i want i want...........

when i sit down to write things that i want or things people want, i can think million more things than the list above.

Do i feel incomplete? may be. do i feel completely confident of things? may be not.
but the place i stand right now, is it the worst place ever? may be not.

i just feel absolutely selfish to ask so many things. i sometimes feel that being a "creature of circumstance" is something i have become."


hmmmm, that was nice reading my friend. there are people with nothing but just a peice of cloth to wrap themselves up, a street ligtt pole as a backrest, its light their only light, no roof to shelter them from the cold biting life.

(i wanted to put a pic, but seeing how some people suffer, i just don't have the heart to put a pic of a kid who is already half dead due to hunger and poverty. Frankly that would just make me think even more less of myself.)

sometimes i hate God for making people's lives so unequal.

one random thought

"in the evening when i go for a walk...there is an empty packet pressed flat on the road which has raleigh written on it....everyday i take a look at it ......i donno why.......i haven't even picked it up to throw it in the bin.."


by the way i really don't expect all of you to understand the exact meaning of this.
one meaning is quite literal. Raleigh is a name of a place, and I am (in) Raleigh.
the other, i probably don't wanna mention.

hail destiny...

if destiny controls all of us, why do we even have to try hard for anything, eventually destiny will put us where we were meant to be right?
why should we eat, destiny will anyways give us the energy we require to do what destiny wants right?
why should we sleep, destiny will anyways give us the peace of mind that’s allotted to us right?
why should we even talk or write, destiny will speak for us when its required right?
I just wonder who gave this destiny so much of control and why the hell do we say we are living our own lives when so many things in our lives are not an outcome of our own actions.

"sing for the laughter
sing for the tear
sing with me," (Dream On - Aeromsith)
cheers to destiny......

how easy life would be if this is 'always' true......

"Sometimes our fate resembles a fruit tree in winter. Who would think that those branches would turn green again and blossom? but we hope it, we know it..."
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

raging waters..

"Dance when you are broken open,
Dance when you have torn the bandages off,
Dance in the middle of the fighting,
Dance in your blood,
Dance when you are 'prefectly' free. "
-R and a YOU and an EM and an I

he said
"What can I say….YOU are the best part about me!! :-) .. and without you..I will always feel incomplete…" ...
now what can i say..

beatlesomania!

This is the most amazing music experience i have ever had(may be there were a few more which i might mention later). The whole Beatles collection, the official autobiography (which i am yet to read apart from seeing the pictures inside them a lot of times!), Bose earphones (which i am extremely proud of buying one after a couple of years of debating its price!) and my ever so faithful ipod with the entire Beatles collection! ok i know i am 'Bose'ting, but seriously, music like this, i have seldom experienced!

changes

its weird when you see things change around you so quickly, well for one you never seem to be ready for it. one thing i got to learn in the past few days is simply that things and people change, when time had carried you 'away'. one of life's saddest times is when you look around and see that there is no one actually with you. there are people who want to be with you, but no one seems to come forward. i look around, there are new things, new relationships, new people, subtle changes that I failed to notice all these days. i know this guy, who seemed to be on top of things. but now he has been stopped on the tracks, praying there is nothing coming at him. I found this nice quote (actually a line from a song). I don't want to quote it exactly, but this is the gist of what it says. It says that there are sometimes when we have lost something, we do not bother about where we are or what we are doing, we just keep thinking about what we lost. But the truth is thinking about what we lost, will just put us in a position where we would lose other things that we still have. We just need to choose between what we lost and what we stand to lose!

deep is not where you want to be

going under..Deep...
maybe its not that deep...
maybe its not too far...
maybe its not that bad..
maybe its not that sad
Slow down..?
Maybe i can see more clearly..
I need not worry about stoppng for a while...
I can find any easy solution..
'any' would not do for that matter..
but a solution would do..
maybe its close..
maybe i know the place..
maybe i can think right..
maybe it just as easy as it does not look...
Yes i know the way..
i am just going insane..