"dear god,
i want a job,
i dont want to lose good friends,
i want to add to my list of really good friends,
i want to go to a concert where U2, GnR and aerosmith play in the same night,
i want to feel the happiness of being in love, hmmm.. "I am in love with the idea of being in love"
i want to learn to let go of everything and not hold onto to anything,
i want to watch a live formula one race,
i want to learn to play guitar,
i want to just take off every now and then to some really peaceful place,
i want the patience of a sage,
i want i want i want...........
when i sit down to write things that i want or things people want, i can think million more things than the list above.
Do i feel incomplete? may be. do i feel completely confident of things? may be not.
but the place i stand right now, is it the worst place ever? may be not.
i just feel absolutely selfish to ask so many things. i sometimes feel that being a "creature of circumstance" is something i have become."
hmmmm, that was nice reading my friend. there are people with nothing but just a peice of cloth to wrap themselves up, a street ligtt pole as a backrest, its light their only light, no roof to shelter them from the cold biting life.
(i wanted to put a pic, but seeing how some people suffer, i just don't have the heart to put a pic of a kid who is already half dead due to hunger and poverty. Frankly that would just make me think even more less of myself.)
sometimes i hate God for making people's lives so unequal.
Sunday, November 16, 2008
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
one random thought
"in the evening when i go for a walk...there is an empty packet pressed flat on the road which has raleigh written on it....everyday i take a look at it ......i donno why.......i haven't even picked it up to throw it in the bin.."
by the way i really don't expect all of you to understand the exact meaning of this.
one meaning is quite literal. Raleigh is a name of a place, and I am (in) Raleigh.
the other, i probably don't wanna mention.
by the way i really don't expect all of you to understand the exact meaning of this.
one meaning is quite literal. Raleigh is a name of a place, and I am (in) Raleigh.
the other, i probably don't wanna mention.
Saturday, October 25, 2008
hail destiny...
if destiny controls all of us, why do we even have to try hard for anything, eventually destiny will put us where we were meant to be right?
why should we eat, destiny will anyways give us the energy we require to do what destiny wants right?
why should we sleep, destiny will anyways give us the peace of mind that’s allotted to us right?
why should we even talk or write, destiny will speak for us when its required right?
I just wonder who gave this destiny so much of control and why the hell do we say we are living our own lives when so many things in our lives are not an outcome of our own actions.
"sing for the laughter
sing for the tear
sing with me," (Dream On - Aeromsith)
cheers to destiny......
why should we eat, destiny will anyways give us the energy we require to do what destiny wants right?
why should we sleep, destiny will anyways give us the peace of mind that’s allotted to us right?
why should we even talk or write, destiny will speak for us when its required right?
I just wonder who gave this destiny so much of control and why the hell do we say we are living our own lives when so many things in our lives are not an outcome of our own actions.
"sing for the laughter
sing for the tear
sing with me," (Dream On - Aeromsith)
cheers to destiny......
Friday, October 17, 2008
how easy life would be if this is 'always' true......
"Sometimes our fate resembles a fruit tree in winter. Who would think that those branches would turn green again and blossom? but we hope it, we know it..."
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
Sunday, September 28, 2008
raging waters..
"Dance when you are broken open,
Dance when you have torn the bandages off,
Dance in the middle of the fighting,
Dance in your blood,
Dance when you are 'prefectly' free. "
-R and a YOU and an EM and an I
he said
"What can I say….YOU are the best part about me!! :-) .. and without you..I will always feel incomplete…" ...
now what can i say..
Dance when you have torn the bandages off,
Dance in the middle of the fighting,
Dance in your blood,
Dance when you are 'prefectly' free. "
-R and a YOU and an EM and an I
he said
"What can I say….YOU are the best part about me!! :-) .. and without you..I will always feel incomplete…" ...
now what can i say..
Thursday, September 25, 2008
beatlesomania!
This is the most amazing music experience i have ever had(may be there were a few more which i might mention later). The whole Beatles collection, the official autobiography (which i am yet to read apart from seeing the pictures inside them a lot of times!), Bose earphones (which i am extremely proud of buying one after a couple of years of debating its price!) and my ever so faithful ipod with the entire Beatles collection! ok i know i am 'Bose'ting, but seriously, music like this, i have seldom experienced!
Friday, September 12, 2008
changes
its weird when you see things change around you so quickly, well for one you never seem to be ready for it. one thing i got to learn in the past few days is simply that things and people change, when time had carried you 'away'. one of life's saddest times is when you look around and see that there is no one actually with you. there are people who want to be with you, but no one seems to come forward. i look around, there are new things, new relationships, new people, subtle changes that I failed to notice all these days. i know this guy, who seemed to be on top of things. but now he has been stopped on the tracks, praying there is nothing coming at him. I found this nice quote (actually a line from a song). I don't want to quote it exactly, but this is the gist of what it says. It says that there are sometimes when we have lost something, we do not bother about where we are or what we are doing, we just keep thinking about what we lost. But the truth is thinking about what we lost, will just put us in a position where we would lose other things that we still have. We just need to choose between what we lost and what we stand to lose!
Monday, August 04, 2008
deep is not where you want to be
going under..Deep...
maybe its not that deep...
maybe its not too far...
maybe its not that bad..
maybe its not that sad
Slow down..?
Maybe i can see more clearly..
I need not worry about stoppng for a while...
I can find any easy solution..
'any' would not do for that matter..
but a solution would do..
maybe its close..
maybe i know the place..
maybe i can think right..
maybe it just as easy as it does not look...
Yes i know the way..
i am just going insane..
maybe its not that deep...
maybe its not too far...
maybe its not that bad..
maybe its not that sad
Slow down..?
Maybe i can see more clearly..
I need not worry about stoppng for a while...
I can find any easy solution..
'any' would not do for that matter..
but a solution would do..
maybe its close..
maybe i know the place..
maybe i can think right..
maybe it just as easy as it does not look...
Yes i know the way..
i am just going insane..
Friday, August 01, 2008
title-less
sometimes i wonder, what wrong did I do, sometimes i know I should not think so much, since I am who I am. I could not have been better, or worse. I did what I thought was right at every moment. I thought people who you think understand you well would see over your shortcomings and understand the true you. But then again, the practical side inside me shouts at me "you loser, you screwed up everything, stop finding any reasons, YOU are the cause". Just feels like an asteroid from the land of misery just destroyed everything that I had built, all my hopes, my happiness. everything. This continuous blame-hate relationship i have with myself never even thinks of loving myself. Not that I feel sorry for myself, life is a hard teacher. time is a wonderful thing, it takes you to the magic world, where everything is perfect then takes you for a ride, where you crash into all the things that seemed perfect, bringing everything to the floor and you to your knees. why did the magic stop? the only path ahead is a long lonely one. I see no trees, no water, nothing, except barren land that is devoid of any life all around me. may be the earth is just blending in, to what i have become, barren. sometime back i might have been a cure, but now i have somehow turned into a disease that needs to thrown away..
being 'wanted' is such a great feeling, it seems like you have a goal, something to look forward to. Everyone would go their way, I need to go.
pink floyd brings so much of painful relief, though its just coincidental that when things go wrong, there is at least someone who can understand what you are going through. the following lines of this song called "lost for words" by floyd, always bring tears to my eyes.
"Can you see your days blighted by darkness?
Is it true you beat your fists on the floor?
Stuck in a world of isolation
While ivy grows over the door"
well there is no conclusion..this is how life is..this is how things will always be...this is how you will be..this is how people will look at you...after all this is just 'another day in paradise'
Looking for: I'm looking for a life partner who is an open minded individual, an honest person, an intellectual personality, a caring human being and an understandable person for a life time of marital bliss and happiness. One who believes in living life to the fullest and can be a good friend.
being 'wanted' is such a great feeling, it seems like you have a goal, something to look forward to. Everyone would go their way, I need to go.
pink floyd brings so much of painful relief, though its just coincidental that when things go wrong, there is at least someone who can understand what you are going through. the following lines of this song called "lost for words" by floyd, always bring tears to my eyes.
"Can you see your days blighted by darkness?
Is it true you beat your fists on the floor?
Stuck in a world of isolation
While ivy grows over the door"
well there is no conclusion..this is how life is..this is how things will always be...this is how you will be..this is how people will look at you...after all this is just 'another day in paradise'
Looking for: I'm looking for a life partner who is an open minded individual, an honest person, an intellectual personality, a caring human being and an understandable person for a life time of marital bliss and happiness. One who believes in living life to the fullest and can be a good friend.
Thursday, July 31, 2008
let it be me!
This is an amazing song, i had it all along but never heard it, now that i have heard it, it makes perfect sense. There are more love songs in this world than any others, i wonder why....
Song from Enya - "let it be me" (Many have sung this before including Elvis Presley, but this version of enya was the one i loved the most).
......................
God bless the day I found you
I want to stay around you
And so I beg you
Let it be me
Don't take this heaven from one
If you must cling to someone
Now and forever
Let it be me
Each time we meet love,
I find complete love
Without your sweet love
Tell me, what would life be?
So never leave me lonely
Tell me you love me only
And that you'll always
Let it be me
..............
Monday, July 07, 2008
journey.....
his hands moved swiftly, as if it had a mind of its own. you could not see his face, bent over and covered by his long unkempt hair. it had been quite some time since he had played. and it was ages ago that he had actually played this long. his face buried in his long hair looking like a lifeless tree in the night. its amazing how people's imagination takes them where they could never go.
It had been a long day and probably like any other day. they did not need him now. how many times does he have to go through this. This was a paradise sometime back, not anymore. All that he dreamed about, all that he had learned, all the people he had met, all the people he cared for, all the people he
thought were behind him seemed to vanish in a moment.
The sting this time was too much. All he had by his side was his music, music and music. everything else was nothing more than a mirage. the few shots of vodka he had a while back seemed to take him to an entirely different place. life seemed peaceful, like floating away. This was the only time his mind felt peaceful, and he could think straight. It wont take long, he better stop and start listening. the more closer it gets, maybe the music wont sound
sweet. the place was so quiet, he could hear his mind. all the things that go on in that small place, ruined what he was, what he had become and the only way out was the way he went out. The irony was his mind made a decision on this too and he hated it.
Never had he felt this empty, absolutely no longing to go on. It was similar to the feeling one gets when you stand in the center of a shopping center or an airport terminal. You look around and find everyone have their own priorities, a sea of peoply moving all around you, and no one to stop, for you.
people had come and gone, no one stayed back with him, maybe he was too foolish to think someone would like to be with him. Everyone seemed to find better alternatives, but he was happy, atleast he was considered as one of the alternatives, maybe they liked him a little. This thought made his smile and
it felt wierd, he dint know when was the last time he actually smiled on his own.
Finally he could see it coming, slowly he lost his senses in his hands and he felt drowsy. it wont be long now. It was somehow not the way he pictured this, he did not see any of his past flashing before his eyes, nor could he feel any regret, nor was faces of his 'close' ones come before his eyes. He could just hear someone call out his name softly. It felt good, someone calling him felt like he is being accepted somewhere, where, he did not care. his lips turned upwards one last time. One small prayer.
He was thankful for not being allergic to alcohol, the inscrutable pain that he was going to experience would have killed him twice over otherwise. Its a very windy dull day. the storm raging and always threating to hit the coast. the sweeping winds that carry that the ocean along the shoreline as if it had to destroy something.
The last thought in his mind was "life is for living, and I do no want to live it alone" and he felt glad.
It had been a long day and probably like any other day. they did not need him now. how many times does he have to go through this. This was a paradise sometime back, not anymore. All that he dreamed about, all that he had learned, all the people he had met, all the people he cared for, all the people he
thought were behind him seemed to vanish in a moment.
The sting this time was too much. All he had by his side was his music, music and music. everything else was nothing more than a mirage. the few shots of vodka he had a while back seemed to take him to an entirely different place. life seemed peaceful, like floating away. This was the only time his mind felt peaceful, and he could think straight. It wont take long, he better stop and start listening. the more closer it gets, maybe the music wont sound
sweet. the place was so quiet, he could hear his mind. all the things that go on in that small place, ruined what he was, what he had become and the only way out was the way he went out. The irony was his mind made a decision on this too and he hated it.
Never had he felt this empty, absolutely no longing to go on. It was similar to the feeling one gets when you stand in the center of a shopping center or an airport terminal. You look around and find everyone have their own priorities, a sea of peoply moving all around you, and no one to stop, for you.
people had come and gone, no one stayed back with him, maybe he was too foolish to think someone would like to be with him. Everyone seemed to find better alternatives, but he was happy, atleast he was considered as one of the alternatives, maybe they liked him a little. This thought made his smile and
it felt wierd, he dint know when was the last time he actually smiled on his own.
Finally he could see it coming, slowly he lost his senses in his hands and he felt drowsy. it wont be long now. It was somehow not the way he pictured this, he did not see any of his past flashing before his eyes, nor could he feel any regret, nor was faces of his 'close' ones come before his eyes. He could just hear someone call out his name softly. It felt good, someone calling him felt like he is being accepted somewhere, where, he did not care. his lips turned upwards one last time. One small prayer.
He was thankful for not being allergic to alcohol, the inscrutable pain that he was going to experience would have killed him twice over otherwise. Its a very windy dull day. the storm raging and always threating to hit the coast. the sweeping winds that carry that the ocean along the shoreline as if it had to destroy something.
The last thought in his mind was "life is for living, and I do no want to live it alone" and he felt glad.
Friday, November 09, 2007
thoughts..
Music....
it calms your mind..
it lets your imagination run wild....
its lets you listen..
it lets you speak..
it lets you think..
it lets you see..
it lets you hope...
it lets you dream...
it lets you unwind..
it lets you fly...
it lets you go back..
it lets you love..
dreams..hope..reality...dont seem to go along sometimes..
sometimes..
blue ocean...friends to be with.....love....family.....cold breeze on your face...'golden' fields.....
thats all u need...hope...hope and hope..just hope... thats all u need..
reality will wear the same colours as dreams...
the ocean will be blue again...the sky....will be clear...
the grand piano will start playing again..the words will start rhyming again..the violin will be as pleasant as ever..
The music...will be music again..to fuel your dreams...to let you hope..to let you achieve....
It.. will never die...like all good things.. hope will never die!
it calms your mind..
it lets your imagination run wild....
its lets you listen..
it lets you speak..
it lets you think..
it lets you see..
it lets you hope...
it lets you dream...
it lets you unwind..
it lets you fly...
it lets you go back..
it lets you love..
dreams..hope..reality...dont seem to go along sometimes..
sometimes..
blue ocean...friends to be with.....love....family.....cold breeze on your face...'golden' fields.....
thats all u need...hope...hope and hope..just hope... thats all u need..
reality will wear the same colours as dreams...
the ocean will be blue again...the sky....will be clear...
the grand piano will start playing again..the words will start rhyming again..the violin will be as pleasant as ever..
The music...will be music again..to fuel your dreams...to let you hope..to let you achieve....
It.. will never die...like all good things.. hope will never die!
Sunday, November 04, 2007
looking ahead
Sitting on the balcony...drinking a cup of hot coffee....rain washing the window to the world...though it needs no washing.. the thought that life sometimes is not fair...moments sometimes desert you...sometimes they just linger on..to let u know...to paint your world gray..
moments...the thought...the gray skies...the cold breeze...biting into the skin...exposed...he decided against those things that would brighten his day...things that would keep him warm...things that are his..things that need his attention..things that he has no longing for...
to experience the rain..something not done for a long time..the rain ..like a thousand swords...a million swords...relentless...started its onslaught on the poor soul....one who was daring...to step out..of the shadows (so he thought..haha)..into the open...where the grass seemed greener...leaving the moments behind...things that he held on to..his past... his mouth opened for once..not to let out any secrets..just to feel the sting...
The castle..with all the walls built around him...so many times he tried to break through..It just grows stronger by the minute...all his anger feeding the walls..no wonder he had a tonne load of patience...it just was in his fate.. it was not everyday that he hears footsteps apart from his...no one liked him..no one cared for him..life seemed so hard when you are by yourself...when things go past you as if to say...you’re too slow..you DO NOT belong here...the wind stops...the sun shines elsewhere..the rain stops..there is no life..the only sound that is audible is the heartbeat...its just a matter of time before its all quiet...so quiet ..that its deafening..
dreaming of the past...all the people who cried..all who loved him...all who hated him..tears have their own way..for once he could not wipe his tears...the rain never forgives..reality never fades...or does it..."it does not fade, I can see it fading right now..hehehe" ...
his once bright eyes...don’t seem to be able to see anything....it seemed more dark then it was actually...his knees weak...falling into the ground...the grass...so close..he could smell it...the rain drops on the blades...shone brighter...there must be some light...the drops so pure..he would be amongst the purest of things around..his soul set free...would clear so many things...it was difficult to imagine...all that happened on that day...no one knew...his hand was...once held...later held the coffee mug...the one that was flavored...by a flavor he never drank before..something that he always wanted to drink..something that was not very easy to get...it was his ambrosia..his coffee..his 'life'..his 'future'....
taking another pill.."this should make me better"...or so he thought.....as he always thought..atleast this was going to end his thoughts…..the rain must stop..sometime..someday…
Thursday, August 23, 2007
stand by me!!
stand by me!
when i was hurt..standing all on my own...i knew i dint have to look around...coz you were standing by me..
i have crossed the thorny islands of fire...
when the brightness of darkness hit me...i was dazed..
i thought i was all alone..
but u were right there..standing by me...
i know there are places to go...
things to do...
i know the path ahead is not rosy...
i know the next part of the journey is not easy..
but then what i see after this rough journey is what keeps me going..
and i need you to stand by me...just the way you are right next to me..
I just hope u had a magic wand...
To push all the worries away...
to push all the distance away...
to get closer...
If only you had a magic wand...if only you had the magic wand :-)
you seem to be far off...
i just need to close my eyes to feel you..
but its easier said then done...
you have been a joy to me..
Like a ...like a.....
I cant believe it...
you and me.... I am still not sure how i got this lucky..
look up above...
and almighty tells me..
son, you are not dreaming..
it is real!!
please stand by me as you have always done..
For all the troubles i caused...
for all the things i shared with you..
for all the trust you gave me..
for all the love you gave me...
For standing by me...
my life...will still not equal the balance..
please stand by me..
for all the things that are left to be done..
there are quite a lot of things i need to do without you right next to me..
but i know you are there...guiding me through these times...
you are my life...missy......
PS: i have been listening to a lot to 'Stand by me' by john lennon and Oasis.... i hope these above lines are different from those in the songs (which are brilliant!!!)
EDIT: Does not matter any more. It was waste of all the energy and effort I had all these years.
when i was hurt..standing all on my own...i knew i dint have to look around...coz you were standing by me..
i have crossed the thorny islands of fire...
when the brightness of darkness hit me...i was dazed..
i thought i was all alone..
but u were right there..standing by me...
i know there are places to go...
things to do...
i know the path ahead is not rosy...
i know the next part of the journey is not easy..
but then what i see after this rough journey is what keeps me going..
and i need you to stand by me...just the way you are right next to me..
I just hope u had a magic wand...
To push all the worries away...
to push all the distance away...
to get closer...
If only you had a magic wand...if only you had the magic wand :-)
you seem to be far off...
i just need to close my eyes to feel you..
but its easier said then done...
you have been a joy to me..
Like a ...like a.....
I cant believe it...
you and me.... I am still not sure how i got this lucky..
look up above...
and almighty tells me..
son, you are not dreaming..
it is real!!
please stand by me as you have always done..
For all the troubles i caused...
for all the things i shared with you..
for all the trust you gave me..
for all the love you gave me...
For standing by me...
my life...will still not equal the balance..
please stand by me..
for all the things that are left to be done..
there are quite a lot of things i need to do without you right next to me..
but i know you are there...guiding me through these times...
you are my life...missy......
PS: i have been listening to a lot to 'Stand by me' by john lennon and Oasis.... i hope these above lines are different from those in the songs (which are brilliant!!!)
EDIT: Does not matter any more. It was waste of all the energy and effort I had all these years.
Monday, May 28, 2007
the Bonnie 'D'
Serious Disclaimer: This post has no reference to Boney M, nor the 'D' company nor
Bonnie Irani( where did he come from!?).
The usual beginning to the day. The alarm rang. You put it to snooze. Then it rings again. You snooze it again. hope that time suddenly stops but you are not slowed by time. You can sleep for ages that way! Struggling to open my eyes I chant the daily mantra, fold my bed, put my phone for charge and run to the bathroom!
Sometimes i feel i can sleep for ever if there is no water in this world to wash my face!..Just a few moments ago i was cribbing so badly...now i am all set to go to the next step. Catch the bus to work ( works brings a :-( to my face, but still i am eager to go for reasons other than work :D). Walking down, was confident to get onto the earlier bus. reached the stop and was eagerly(?) waiting for the bus. 5 mins..No signs of any bus..10 mins still no signs of any bus...15 mins...patience ran out..Called my friend to confirm that the bus dint come (or we missed the bus...does not matter which one...it was gone)..
Now the second part… was too lazy to walk down to another bus stop (2 KM away ) and catch a city bus to another place to catch the company bus. Now you see exactly why i was lazy. Its freakin too much work! looked for an auto and after haggling with a couple of guys finally got an auto to go where i wanted to go. i was relieved. Finally on the way to office. Reached the 'spot', the meter was exactly 32 bucks, got off and gave him a 100 ruppee.. .’Saaaar, no change saar'. Hmmm give him a 50 rupee note.... 'Saaar i have only 10 rupees’ saar, neeve Bonnie mardthaidhira (you are my first passenger for today and Bonnie means you are the first one to pay today)..no change'! . Arrey so what the..what the ...freakin what shd i do...in middle of nowhere where would i get change. No time. Took the 10 ruppee coin(s) from him. walked down to the other side of this 300 feet wide road (i am sure its this wide). 5 mins no bus...10 mins no bus...argggggg …patience running out soon. Finally the company bus..how i love to see the sight of this bus! ( I am sarcastic). Got into the bus after 'flashing' my ID-COD (when the driver asked where is ur ID-COD ..hahah... :D ) .. he gave me the book and a pen to make an entry as to what time he came to the stop. This was done normally by the first person who got into the bus. and then i realized i was the first ONE....ah! I made Bonnie again..though he dint say the word..
It was a suprise that i found my friend getting into the bus in the next stop... Was chatting along the way till we reached a 'Jam'. It was unlikely at this time but I decided to ignore it and take a much needed nap..15 mins...opened my eyes...errr...'Are we at the same place mate?' ...'yes we are'...shit...what a day! ... the reason the bus dint move an inch...there was this huge mob of people blocking the road just ahead...red flags...loud noises...there were 3 cops in all. And over 300 people for sure!
waited ...waited...patience ran out. at the wrong time....it was 8 already...and the last bus from this place going in the opposite direction must have just left...damn...wat quick thinking ..duh!
somehow sensed the crowd getting a little restless...heard 2-3 'Bangs' on the sides of the bus..realized before we are burnt inside the bus...lets run.. my friend and I got off the bus and to the other side of the mob hoping to catch an auto taking a U turn....found one but it was already occupied...the driver requested the 'occupant' to allow the 2 poor souls inside the auto...he agreed and we happily got in...here i have to mention that this is the first time i got into a running auto!! seriously this guy took off before i got one leg inside...somehow got in...survived yet another scare..
Ok..now this guy...the auto driver dropped us off midway saying he is gonna take another route completely..got off...and asked him how much...guess what he said... 'saaaar neeve Bonnie saaar'!!! freakin …am I the Bonnie man for this day or what!!! paid him the correct change as he dint have any money...as this was his Bonnie...argg..who invented this word....This has to be the Bonnie Day!!!
Took another auto from there to another place where i would be getting a company bus...got to the stop and waited patiently for the bus..5 mins, no Bus...10 Mins, No bus... 15 Mins, No bus...patience running out slowly...
Finally a bus emerges.. Some how i have this feeling that this is the same bus that was supposed to be burnt down...When I got down, there were only 5 poeple in this bus...But now the entire Bus is packed and i have no place to sit..Dint get into the bus..waited 'patiently' for the next bus...cursed all the bad people i know..for this horrendous journey...
Finally after another 15 mins got a bus to office...un fortunately sat on the wrong side of the bus...sun shining directly onto your face!...got burnt...baked...reached office like a roasted chicken :(...
imagine my plight....2 buses... 3 auto's...lots of walking involved...running involved(in the auto remember?)... and more importantly all the BONNIE's...
left home at 6:40...reached office at 9:40...a 3 hour sightseeing trip...(the actual travel time is 1 hour!!)
the Result...got up 5-10 mins from the next day... but as i am writing this...i realize i missed my bus today too!! but the trip was not all this bad!! :)
Bonnie Irani( where did he come from!?).
The usual beginning to the day. The alarm rang. You put it to snooze. Then it rings again. You snooze it again. hope that time suddenly stops but you are not slowed by time. You can sleep for ages that way! Struggling to open my eyes I chant the daily mantra, fold my bed, put my phone for charge and run to the bathroom!
Sometimes i feel i can sleep for ever if there is no water in this world to wash my face!..Just a few moments ago i was cribbing so badly...now i am all set to go to the next step. Catch the bus to work ( works brings a :-( to my face, but still i am eager to go for reasons other than work :D). Walking down, was confident to get onto the earlier bus. reached the stop and was eagerly(?) waiting for the bus. 5 mins..No signs of any bus..10 mins still no signs of any bus...15 mins...patience ran out..Called my friend to confirm that the bus dint come (or we missed the bus...does not matter which one...it was gone)..
Now the second part… was too lazy to walk down to another bus stop (2 KM away ) and catch a city bus to another place to catch the company bus. Now you see exactly why i was lazy. Its freakin too much work! looked for an auto and after haggling with a couple of guys finally got an auto to go where i wanted to go. i was relieved. Finally on the way to office. Reached the 'spot', the meter was exactly 32 bucks, got off and gave him a 100 ruppee.. .’Saaaar, no change saar'. Hmmm give him a 50 rupee note.... 'Saaar i have only 10 rupees’ saar, neeve Bonnie mardthaidhira (you are my first passenger for today and Bonnie means you are the first one to pay today)..no change'! . Arrey so what the..what the ...freakin what shd i do...in middle of nowhere where would i get change. No time. Took the 10 ruppee coin(s) from him. walked down to the other side of this 300 feet wide road (i am sure its this wide). 5 mins no bus...10 mins no bus...argggggg …patience running out soon. Finally the company bus..how i love to see the sight of this bus! ( I am sarcastic). Got into the bus after 'flashing' my ID-COD (when the driver asked where is ur ID-COD ..hahah... :D ) .. he gave me the book and a pen to make an entry as to what time he came to the stop. This was done normally by the first person who got into the bus. and then i realized i was the first ONE....ah! I made Bonnie again..though he dint say the word..
It was a suprise that i found my friend getting into the bus in the next stop... Was chatting along the way till we reached a 'Jam'. It was unlikely at this time but I decided to ignore it and take a much needed nap..15 mins...opened my eyes...errr...'Are we at the same place mate?' ...'yes we are'...shit...what a day! ... the reason the bus dint move an inch...there was this huge mob of people blocking the road just ahead...red flags...loud noises...there were 3 cops in all. And over 300 people for sure!
waited ...waited...patience ran out. at the wrong time....it was 8 already...and the last bus from this place going in the opposite direction must have just left...damn...wat quick thinking ..duh!
somehow sensed the crowd getting a little restless...heard 2-3 'Bangs' on the sides of the bus..realized before we are burnt inside the bus...lets run.. my friend and I got off the bus and to the other side of the mob hoping to catch an auto taking a U turn....found one but it was already occupied...the driver requested the 'occupant' to allow the 2 poor souls inside the auto...he agreed and we happily got in...here i have to mention that this is the first time i got into a running auto!! seriously this guy took off before i got one leg inside...somehow got in...survived yet another scare..
Ok..now this guy...the auto driver dropped us off midway saying he is gonna take another route completely..got off...and asked him how much...guess what he said... 'saaaar neeve Bonnie saaar'!!! freakin …am I the Bonnie man for this day or what!!! paid him the correct change as he dint have any money...as this was his Bonnie...argg..who invented this word....This has to be the Bonnie Day!!!
Took another auto from there to another place where i would be getting a company bus...got to the stop and waited patiently for the bus..5 mins, no Bus...10 Mins, No bus... 15 Mins, No bus...patience running out slowly...
Finally a bus emerges.. Some how i have this feeling that this is the same bus that was supposed to be burnt down...When I got down, there were only 5 poeple in this bus...But now the entire Bus is packed and i have no place to sit..Dint get into the bus..waited 'patiently' for the next bus...cursed all the bad people i know..for this horrendous journey...
Finally after another 15 mins got a bus to office...un fortunately sat on the wrong side of the bus...sun shining directly onto your face!...got burnt...baked...reached office like a roasted chicken :(...
imagine my plight....2 buses... 3 auto's...lots of walking involved...running involved(in the auto remember?)... and more importantly all the BONNIE's...
left home at 6:40...reached office at 9:40...a 3 hour sightseeing trip...(the actual travel time is 1 hour!!)
the Result...got up 5-10 mins from the next day... but as i am writing this...i realize i missed my bus today too!! but the trip was not all this bad!! :)
Friday, April 27, 2007
dazed..
The alarm goes off. Yet another day. The room is so dark. ah..this is the daily routine...A bird..it flies so gracefully in the sky. A group of birds. a perfect orchestra. They can change
direction when they wish. But they fly anywhere that they want never sticking to a definitive
path. Never holding on to any direction. All's well they say. As long as they get food and they
reach their destination. I always wonder. Why cant we do this. Why are we afraid of the Change.
Why are we still holding our line even though it seems utterly hopeless. Why are we not as free in mind as the birds. "free as the birds"!
I keep thinking, speaking to myself, practice the lines. Over and over again. But the day never
comes. it keeps evading me! I really dont wanna think. The more you think theIts just one bumpy
ride after another.. But we all reach where we wanna go.. but it really not the lovely journey you have been
imagining..'Perseverance is the key my friend!' .. haha...thats too funny...
Looking out of a window at anytime...a vendor on the street smiles.. the small girl teasing her
dog is all smiles..the mother who is trying to tame her ever so vibrant kid..in between all the
irritation on her face..she smiles...the kid smiles...the frown is turing into a smile...but its
like a mask..a shroud on a tearful person...
Time to go.. this may not be there tommorrow... I may not be here to see it.. 'Life's short..enjoy
it' ..haha..ur getting funnier by the moment.. i should appreciate ur humour..its almost like u
can predict whats gonna happen...argg..this alarm does not give up.. ah, i remember, Its called
Perseverance..always keeps reminding me..time's up dude!.. u better be prepared..i wish i can shut of all the things.. Wanna get into This helium balloon.. and fly away...I just need some colours to paint my world..all kinds of colours..black..grey...but its too expensive..can i afford it?
I cant feel my feet..But as i look behind me..I have left my foot prints in the sand..its still there... 'Yeah..I was there'. . 'U can definetely go ahead and do better'... i swear u should be a script write of a comedy movie.. haha...ur too funny... i envy u..
I can see it. I can hear it. The storm is getting closer. I am sure of this. am I prepared?
direction when they wish. But they fly anywhere that they want never sticking to a definitive
path. Never holding on to any direction. All's well they say. As long as they get food and they
reach their destination. I always wonder. Why cant we do this. Why are we afraid of the Change.
Why are we still holding our line even though it seems utterly hopeless. Why are we not as free in mind as the birds. "free as the birds"!
I keep thinking, speaking to myself, practice the lines. Over and over again. But the day never
comes. it keeps evading me! I really dont wanna think. The more you think theIts just one bumpy
ride after another.. But we all reach where we wanna go.. but it really not the lovely journey you have been
imagining..'Perseverance is the key my friend!' .. haha...thats too funny...
Looking out of a window at anytime...a vendor on the street smiles.. the small girl teasing her
dog is all smiles..the mother who is trying to tame her ever so vibrant kid..in between all the
irritation on her face..she smiles...the kid smiles...the frown is turing into a smile...but its
like a mask..a shroud on a tearful person...
Time to go.. this may not be there tommorrow... I may not be here to see it.. 'Life's short..enjoy
it' ..haha..ur getting funnier by the moment.. i should appreciate ur humour..its almost like u
can predict whats gonna happen...argg..this alarm does not give up.. ah, i remember, Its called
Perseverance..always keeps reminding me..time's up dude!.. u better be prepared..i wish i can shut of all the things.. Wanna get into This helium balloon.. and fly away...I just need some colours to paint my world..all kinds of colours..black..grey...but its too expensive..can i afford it?
I cant feel my feet..But as i look behind me..I have left my foot prints in the sand..its still there... 'Yeah..I was there'. . 'U can definetely go ahead and do better'... i swear u should be a script write of a comedy movie.. haha...ur too funny... i envy u..
I can see it. I can hear it. The storm is getting closer. I am sure of this. am I prepared?
Wednesday, January 03, 2007
First step into the Abyss!
"shit,....... this is not how i thought this would be!" ...
carefully balancing his legs on the crevices of the rock face...one
hand gripping the tree growing off the rock face..the other still
struggling to hold on to a small opening.. damn..."Blessed by the
Devil himself"... Looking up he can still see the rock edge on
which he was standing moments ago... he sees another 'he' standing
on the very edge looking down at him mockingly.menacingly..Laughing
at his own fate....
Warm liquid dripping from his face onto his hand gave some comfort
from the cold breeze.... he was almost 20 feet away from
safety...and getting to the top was almost
impossible....considering that he could not hold onto where he was
now! looking over his shoulder towards the west...it was one of the
most picturesque sight he has ever seen...the sun at its biggest
ever...disappearing just behind the ocean..ah the ocean...'a blue
water body, managing to conceal all the turbulent happenings
underneath and still maintain a calm exterior'... his mind was
wandering....isn’t there storms that manage to ruffle the seemingly
calm exterior of the ocean?.. the calmness in the
environment....the 'orangish sky'....blue ocean with streaks of
orange reflecting the 'remains' of the once dominant sun..'is it
really that red all around or is it'... nothing lasts for ever..the
smile ,the frown....cold breeze...ah...now he shivers...'this cold
breeze is killing me'... pain is such a funny thing...as long as you
dont pay attention to it, it will not hurt you..once you give into
it..it grips your mind like a vice...you start sliding...into the
abyss..Only the strong return...only the strong..
Clearing his mind of all the 'pleasant' thoughts!..' I gotta get
out of this 'place', shouting for help will not help.. There is not
a soul in place'...The madness in him subsided.. Its really funny
that only when you have everything to lose you realize the
importance of not doing certain things that you did and also things
that you ought to have done but you dint.. He smiled.. 'I have
nothing to lose!.. no body would miss me anyways... except maybe
for the plastic cards in his wallet'... haha..a loud laugh echoing
through to the vast ocean..There's humor in all things in
life...just got to figure this out. like a beating heart in every
living person...
'I cant hold on anymore'...even the rush of adrenalin...the help
from upstairs to hold on...seems to waning....weak arms and
legs...bruises all around...red liquid blinding one eye...'i never
thought i would this lonely...f*%k you..i am not....i don’t F*&$*n
care..'...the second time the decision had to be made..'i would see
you again...maybe not'...a small slip..on his way he went...it was
a different feeling...looking at the cliff and the sky in the
background..moving further and further away..smiling..there's
nothing i can do...all the memories flashing before his eyes..His parents, friends and..Things that happened just a few moments ago. Somehow this was satisfying..A strong reply to pain and suffering...'You cannot hurt me further'...'Sorry Mom..please forgive me'..wind rushing through his ears..a different feeling when you fly for the first time...One final look at the sky and he closed his eyes with one thought lingering on his mind...'i should have not jumped in the first place'...
'When the heart rules..it's either a lot of joy or a lot of pain'
- contributed by 'smee! :)
carefully balancing his legs on the crevices of the rock face...one
hand gripping the tree growing off the rock face..the other still
struggling to hold on to a small opening.. damn..."Blessed by the
Devil himself"... Looking up he can still see the rock edge on
which he was standing moments ago... he sees another 'he' standing
on the very edge looking down at him mockingly.menacingly..Laughing
at his own fate....
Warm liquid dripping from his face onto his hand gave some comfort
from the cold breeze.... he was almost 20 feet away from
safety...and getting to the top was almost
impossible....considering that he could not hold onto where he was
now! looking over his shoulder towards the west...it was one of the
most picturesque sight he has ever seen...the sun at its biggest
ever...disappearing just behind the ocean..ah the ocean...'a blue
water body, managing to conceal all the turbulent happenings
underneath and still maintain a calm exterior'... his mind was
wandering....isn’t there storms that manage to ruffle the seemingly
calm exterior of the ocean?.. the calmness in the
environment....the 'orangish sky'....blue ocean with streaks of
orange reflecting the 'remains' of the once dominant sun..'is it
really that red all around or is it'... nothing lasts for ever..the
smile ,the frown....cold breeze...ah...now he shivers...'this cold
breeze is killing me'... pain is such a funny thing...as long as you
dont pay attention to it, it will not hurt you..once you give into
it..it grips your mind like a vice...you start sliding...into the
abyss..Only the strong return...only the strong..
Clearing his mind of all the 'pleasant' thoughts!..' I gotta get
out of this 'place', shouting for help will not help.. There is not
a soul in place'...The madness in him subsided.. Its really funny
that only when you have everything to lose you realize the
importance of not doing certain things that you did and also things
that you ought to have done but you dint.. He smiled.. 'I have
nothing to lose!.. no body would miss me anyways... except maybe
for the plastic cards in his wallet'... haha..a loud laugh echoing
through to the vast ocean..There's humor in all things in
life...just got to figure this out. like a beating heart in every
living person...
'I cant hold on anymore'...even the rush of adrenalin...the help
from upstairs to hold on...seems to waning....weak arms and
legs...bruises all around...red liquid blinding one eye...'i never
thought i would this lonely...f*%k you..i am not....i don’t F*&$*n
care..'...the second time the decision had to be made..'i would see
you again...maybe not'...a small slip..on his way he went...it was
a different feeling...looking at the cliff and the sky in the
background..moving further and further away..smiling..there's
nothing i can do...all the memories flashing before his eyes..His parents, friends and..Things that happened just a few moments ago. Somehow this was satisfying..A strong reply to pain and suffering...'You cannot hurt me further'...'Sorry Mom..please forgive me'..wind rushing through his ears..a different feeling when you fly for the first time...One final look at the sky and he closed his eyes with one thought lingering on his mind...'i should have not jumped in the first place'...
'When the heart rules..it's either a lot of joy or a lot of pain'
- contributed by 'smee! :)
Sunday, December 03, 2006
partition
"please stay back"......
The past still full of mysteries....things that seemed so right at 'that' moment don't seem all that right now.
Standing in front of the mirror...ah mirror...mirror is such a wonderful creation...it lets you see the past...to the very footsteps leading to where you are now..
Things from a world so perfect cannot be compared to what he is seeing in the mirror. The disheveled state of his hair, though he did not get up from the bed now, the tear filled eyes, gave him a more hazy picture of himself and his past. Not that it lied. Maybe this is how he should be seeing this. the light sound of music in the background only accentuating his tears rather than pacify him....he felt sorry for himself....halfway into the quicksand...and now he wants to get out...
"please stay back"....
as these words left his dry lips, i bet even his ears could not interpret it. "What's the point". It's all over now. Sometimes everything is all wrong and nothing can save the ship. It has to go.
"please stay back"......
The past has gone. He wishes that the present lasts for an eternity. But time is slipping away. He took comfort in the thought that at least the misery will not be long..ah...what a maniac!... If there was no gravity, he could have escaped all this. Damn.. 3 feet is all..he is back on earth in a moment.
The plots in his mind come back to haunt him.. maybe he should have not...or rather in a diff way..."forget it!..i can see it in the reflection, i don't need anyone to point out"....
"please come back"....
Time waits for no one....The future is just a moment away! and hoping time stays back...arggg...is something a fool would not hope...but,
"please stay back"...
Look beyond the mirror...there might be a window...a window..that will show you things that you missed...things that you came across....things that rattled you..things that helped you...OBSERVE...look at all the others...learn...take comfort...go on....
The past still full of mysteries....things that seemed so right at 'that' moment don't seem all that right now.
Standing in front of the mirror...ah mirror...mirror is such a wonderful creation...it lets you see the past...to the very footsteps leading to where you are now..
Things from a world so perfect cannot be compared to what he is seeing in the mirror. The disheveled state of his hair, though he did not get up from the bed now, the tear filled eyes, gave him a more hazy picture of himself and his past. Not that it lied. Maybe this is how he should be seeing this. the light sound of music in the background only accentuating his tears rather than pacify him....he felt sorry for himself....halfway into the quicksand...and now he wants to get out...
"please stay back"....
as these words left his dry lips, i bet even his ears could not interpret it. "What's the point". It's all over now. Sometimes everything is all wrong and nothing can save the ship. It has to go.
"please stay back"......
The past has gone. He wishes that the present lasts for an eternity. But time is slipping away. He took comfort in the thought that at least the misery will not be long..ah...what a maniac!... If there was no gravity, he could have escaped all this. Damn.. 3 feet is all..he is back on earth in a moment.
The plots in his mind come back to haunt him.. maybe he should have not...or rather in a diff way..."forget it!..i can see it in the reflection, i don't need anyone to point out"....
"please come back"....
Time waits for no one....The future is just a moment away! and hoping time stays back...arggg...is something a fool would not hope...but,
"please stay back"...
Look beyond the mirror...there might be a window...a window..that will show you things that you missed...things that you came across....things that rattled you..things that helped you...OBSERVE...look at all the others...learn...take comfort...go on....
Tuesday, October 24, 2006
Carnival
Round the corner, as they say. Things can change in an instant, just a moment. from good to bad, bad to good. But something missing is the change from bad to worse.
Dim light contrasting the fully decorated environment. Reminiscent of the past glory. It was a mystery as to why it was still here. Did anyone notice it? No. Is there anyone who cared? You must be kiddin! No. Living in the past appears so fruitful. Yet so deceiving. With the biting wind. So many people outside yet no one. An occasional smile. Billy Joel sings along "Yes, they're sharing a drink they call loneliness, But it's better than drinking alone ".
You wait for the corner. the ever so evasive corner. Its not all that bad. It’s only gonna get worse. Day after day. You just sit there, and wait, and wait for the corner. You have gone past so many times. You know it's not there. But you still wait for it. Same things you see. You wonder, are you being watched? You only hope there is someone else traveling in the same path as you are. The path that does not lead anywhere. sense of roundness to it. Remind of the past so very often. Nothing has changed. But very small details that are like sugar to a cup of coffee.
It just takes a moment. To go round the corner. Maybe next time.
Dim light contrasting the fully decorated environment. Reminiscent of the past glory. It was a mystery as to why it was still here. Did anyone notice it? No. Is there anyone who cared? You must be kiddin! No. Living in the past appears so fruitful. Yet so deceiving. With the biting wind. So many people outside yet no one. An occasional smile. Billy Joel sings along "Yes, they're sharing a drink they call loneliness, But it's better than drinking alone ".
You wait for the corner. the ever so evasive corner. Its not all that bad. It’s only gonna get worse. Day after day. You just sit there, and wait, and wait for the corner. You have gone past so many times. You know it's not there. But you still wait for it. Same things you see. You wonder, are you being watched? You only hope there is someone else traveling in the same path as you are. The path that does not lead anywhere. sense of roundness to it. Remind of the past so very often. Nothing has changed. But very small details that are like sugar to a cup of coffee.
It just takes a moment. To go round the corner. Maybe next time.
Monday, September 04, 2006
55 Words
After the rambling, Rize picks up from here
The message had been clear....Last train...Black attire....Brown briefcase....Somehow he failed his tormentors....This was his last task...supposedly...He feared the worst...he had 20 hours before time runs out...going back without the briefcase meant doom..for him.. and certain death, for her...He searched for his car keys..
Now its the turn of El Furibundo...The curse is forwarded!..
The message had been clear....Last train...Black attire....Brown briefcase....Somehow he failed his tormentors....This was his last task...supposedly...He feared the worst...he had 20 hours before time runs out...going back without the briefcase meant doom..for him.. and certain death, for her...He searched for his car keys..
Now its the turn of El Furibundo...The curse is forwarded!..
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