heavenly hurt

2012-01-05T11:27:00.004-05:00

Hope this helps. U2 concert at Boston - 9/20/2009 - Stuck in a moment

2011-11-18T23:11:00.001-05:00

Well, finally I have moved to stay on my own. It took some time coming. I would have moved a few months back under different circumstances, and definitely not alone. But atleast something worked this year.
I have not been here long enough to say whether this is a good or bad decision. But, well it cant get any worse!
The last couple of weeks is roughly the busiest I have been in the last few years. Moving, helping my previous roommate shop for his wedding, and obviously working. I have hardly been at home to unpack.
I always thought I did not accumulate a lot of stuff. But I did have a lot of baggage that traveled with me here to my new place.
Its been exactly one year since my last trip back home. Things were very different then. It would have sucked to stay here. I am glad a few friends are sort of keeping me in their plans. Staying alone and not having anyone to meet other than people you meet at the work place is very unhealthy. Sometimes that's how it is I guess.

2011-10-28T16:55:00.002-04:00

- I have traveled alone more often this year than the last few years. Today is my second long lonely drive this summer. I can't call it lonely though, solitude with a lot of music is the right 'word' for it. I can't call it summer though, its already pretty chilly and the temperature has dropped considerable in just one night. Maybe a bad pick for the drive up to the mountains, but I can't wait any longer, this weekend will probably be the last weekend before all the colors go away.
- A visit to the dentist and some stern words is what took me to brushing my teeth twice a day ( and to start floss). I have never flossed before, so its a pretty weird experience. Its not advisable to do it in front of the mirror though, my hands lose all co-ordination. The electric toothbrush is a nice touch after the dentist's visit.
- For the first time in my life, I actually noticed migratory birds flying south (Maybe I did notice it earlier, but I am making a big deal out of it now, coz it was amazing!). Yeah, I had my compass out and it all made sense to me, finally.
- I do regret a lot of things that happened this year, I wish they had turned out in a different way. I made a huge mistake.

2011-09-14T10:37:00.004-04:00

Socially awkward penguin really cracks me up (It might have to do that I relate to a lot of things on it, and its nice to see others in the same pond).

Oh and this is the earworm for the day for me!

2011-09-11T00:51:00.003-04:00

-A few years ago a friend of mine had bought a new camera. He wanted to return it because it had too much 'noise' for pictures taken at higher ISO's. I thought at that time, the clicking noise was too much. Ah, I am so embarrassed when I think of it now.

During my undergrad, we sang Shaggy's 'Angel' at class. I remember, one of my friend 'loki' used to wonder why was the word 'shorty' was used in the song.We thought it was so funny, that we laughed hysterically.

The first time I tried calling a mobile number outside karnataka, I did not know how to dial it. I thought adding a '0' before the number was for one specific state and it was different for different states. I had actually sent out an sms to a few friends to find out what to do, and I still remember 'Furi' sent me that same sms years later 'lol'ing it.

I used to think the words 'Little Darling' in the song 'here comes the sun' by Beatles was actually 'dilly dolling'.

I once mistook the mustang running horse emblem to be the prancing horse of Ferrari, that pretty rookie.

It feels like several decades have passed between then and now...

2011-08-13T11:10:00.005-04:00

To reach out would be madness;
To stay away would be madness;
there seems to be no common ground...
For now, I take comfort with Donovan!

2011-07-26T12:13:00.048-04:00

desmond and molly. You are the envy of everyone

2011-06-28T11:45:00.001-04:00

Its been a long time since I have listened to music for more than 10 hours a day. I used to listen to it for over 3 hours during my bus journey to and fro from my previous work place. This keeps me from seeking company during times when I really need it.
Its been long since I have had sleep less nights for more than a couple of weeks. I am so tired, but I can't get any sleep. I want to blame it on the solitaire game on my phone. Though the only thing that rings in regularity is my alarm, which I simply turn it off on account of playing solitaire.

I have this sudden rush to just take my bike and ride down to Bellandur lake and listen to Aerosmith ( I do boast of having a big collection of 'good' music). It just brings back memories listening to my music player at dusk just watching people making their way back home, watching the flights kiss good bye to the airport (and obviously the slightly filthy smell in the air and the weeds covering most part of the lake, but I can live with it). Those times were the best. All I can do now is just look back and envy my past.

2011-06-16T23:21:00.000-04:00

Confidence and sanity go hand in hand. It rarely happens that one start losing one's mind and hence starts losing confidence. I feel its the other way round.When confidence seems always 'just' out of reach and slowly but certainly slipping away, the mind always follows suit. Thats when you know you may not be able to make it on your own. ~~Some~~Most times you ~~wonder~~hope if everything thats happening/happened is just the delusion in your mind of the most vicious soul ever seen or may be its just the mirror. You think you can snap out of it any time, maybe right NOW. So many 'NOW's have passed and nothings changed ...

2011-06-08T11:00:00.001-04:00

ah well, its just another day. Sunny and bright. But i would prefer the gloomy and dark winter days. I wish it were winter, the darkness sets in early, not many people outside, the cold breeze, i guess its just me.

2011-06-02T11:59:00.003-04:00

"So, from all of us at Aerosmith
To all of you out there, wherever you are.
Remember- the light at the end of the tunnel
May be you. Goodnight!"

- lines from Amazing by Aerosmith

Edit:
Exactly 4 years since Aerosmith concert

2011-05-31T02:45:00.002-04:00

I don't remember the colour of your eyes. I am sorry I am not so attentive. I know I disappointed you, I am very disappointed about myself...

2011-05-17T10:39:00.000-04:00

arggg! he smells so bad. How can people spend one of the most important and inevitable event in their life in his presence? Well, the stronger his smell, the faster you will get used to it. It will probably escape your mind after that.

2011-05-06T09:09:00.000-04:00

Nothing much to say other than today is the 6th of May and its been exactly 4 weeks and counting.

2011-05-02T12:18:00.000-04:00

Found this on the back of a mug here. Everything seems to be imported from china (Apparently including homes too!)

2011-04-27T21:41:00.000-04:00

I never thought i would go back to listening this.

Things change so quickly, and in a few weeks your life changes completely. All that you believed turns out to be fake, you just can't fight it anymore. You just go with the flow, without fighting to change the (lonely)direction your life taking. It was too difficult to fight over things when you are the only one to fight for it at the end...

2011-04-19T13:54:00.000-04:00

This is something I read when I am at a low point in my life. Its just makes me feel like I am not the only one and never ever fails in making me feel better as I complete reading it! :)

"Fog horn" by "Ray Bradbury"

2011-04-07T21:49:00.001-04:00

I used to think that music groups performing live, sing songs in a slightly different way only to deter people recording the songs from selling them as originals! I think it was furi who laughed his ass off when he heard that!

Here's one song live from Grammy award ceremony. Obviously its different from the original, but I have learnt to love the emotion and intensity of the songs performed live. This song is one my favorites.

2011-01-10T23:10:00.000-05:00

I gave my car for service. Requested a loaner car so that I can get to office and back while my car was getting fixed. Well, this is what I got as a loaner car! :D

new year blues

2011-01-04T17:58:00.000-05:00

Its 2011.(Ya its arrived pretty stealthily and I dont even feel like a year has passed, though I get a jolt every time I write the date).
Well, this post is mostly about how lucky I am not to be a hospital(OK, I may be exaggerating, but i was indeed lucky not to spend new years day calling up my insurance agents and stuff)
#1: We were driving back from atlanta downtown after new year celebrations. On the highway, another car in front of me(on the next lane) swerved to my lane without an indicator signal. The nose of my car was very very close to the back of that car. Well, this was around 1 AM, and it freaked the shit out of me(Not sure why this affected me so much, there are other incidents of similar nature that I have encountered in the past that I just let go in my mind). Well, I honked (maybe for the 3rd or 4th time ever in the last couple of years), danger averted. All is well.

#2 Travelling on the freeway when it was raining pretty hard. Maybe around 4 in the afternoon. moved over to a lane somewhere in the middle, kept at it for some time. All of a sudden, the car next to me, accelerated, and the result, was a huge amount of water got splashed onto my windscreen. Well, it looks to be something that happens quite frequently in rainy conditions, but this was extra 'special' because I was blinded for close to 5 seconds. Well, it did not turn disastrous for two reasons; The stretch on the freeway where this happened was straight as an arrow, and I did not do something stupid like brake or move around.

Somehow these two incidents on the 1st Jan sort of shook me badly. But I guess i should count myself lucky rather than think of it in a bad way...

2010-12-28T10:17:00.002-05:00

drove through the blizzard last week. It was a nice drive. Lots and lots and lots of snow all over. Somehow, the snow brings peace and calm and also 'stops' time and cajoles you into a sense of security. allowing you to reflect on a number of things. These are times when you wish you can just talk and talk and have someone close to you listen without being judgmental. But all you can do, is look out the window, and see the endless blanket of white, stretching for miles. I miss some of my friends back home, I wish they were here, rather wish I was there.

2010-12-12T12:53:00.002-05:00

I freeze at the wrong times. I just freeze and I cannot get a single word out of myself.

2010-10-12T20:29:00.009-04:00

+-When I got out of High school, I was undecided between getting into computers or taking medicine. To call my drawing skills pathetic was an understatement. I decided to take medicine I needed to be better at drawing, decided against it. I might have been a good candidate for being a doctor, but I will never ever know....

Edit:

-Sometimes I think I am too shallow, sometimes I think I am overtly sensitive. Its not that I oscillate between the two extremes.
+I have made a few mistakes, but i do believe strongly that I will come through...
#when you are sad or happy, should you listen to songs that reflect your mood or listen to songs that might inspire you if you are down or if inspire you to go further and not rest there?

# Its Diwali sometime this week, but I have no idea when.

- Somtimes people think you are not required to be part of some decision, which is alright because one shares it with others as per their discretion.. But some other time they think otherwise for a similar set of issues. Is it still alright?

- I read the reports online, Bangalore is getting colder day by day this year. I am excited , though I am not physically there, wish there were more people who spoke to me about the weather from there!

1/18/2011
- When you are depressed/lonely , even the faintest of the sounds appears very loud. I was walking into my office today, paused to look out towards the freeway(It is a fair distance away), the noise from the traffic seemed so loud. This noise, that I dont even pay attention on any other given day, seemed to be deafening. I guess its just the yearning for people(sound) and company when you feel down.

lay it down slow!

2010-08-14T23:37:00.003-04:00

My latest obsession was Prison break. I loved all the 4 seasons(though a lot of it was too good to be true.).

The song that plays through the final episode has really stuck with me. All the characters seem to come more alive,the sadness mixed with the happiness of the final episode, and this song playing, was simply brilliant. I loved this song and I hope you will love it too!

Spiritualized - Lay It Down Slow

keep the door open!

2010-04-03T11:38:00.004-04:00

Every Friday at my office its bagel+muffin+cake day. Lots of cream cheese, tomato spread and juices and so on. The first time I was introduced to this foodie morning, what caught my eye was not the food. :-)

2010-02-16T10:22:00.003-05:00

I met a few friends at coffee place yesterday evening. Biting cold, but i still managed without any head gear. I was waiting in line to place my order and noticed that I could see a reflection of myself on a huge mirror. hmmm, i looked the same as i was a year back, but for two differences.

I have lost hair, and I am out growing my pants. :(

Immediately I took gym membership and started playing badminton.

went home and applied hair oil! :D

2009-11-08T14:18:00.002-05:00

sometimes i think i am Superman,
sometimes i think i am just normal,
sometimes i cannot recollect who i am.
but i know,
I am not a Superman,
i don't have superhuman powers,
i am just a normal guy, who...

begining of fall.

2009-09-04T10:05:00.003-04:00

it just happens to be a couple of weeks back, i was so much complaining about the heat and the humidity here. I got more irritating when i told my colleagues here that back in bangalore(I hate calling it bengaluru, i think the name just does not suit the cool(temprature wise and 'coolness' wise too!)ness of the city), it was way much cooler than this.
anyways...its been hot and humid every day here for the last 3 months reaching temperatures above 40 C ..now that is really hot for me..i have never been in such 'extreme' conditions before for a long streeeeeeetch of time.
now the last 2-3 days, temperatures have dropped by a a massive 10C (I like numbers and i am fascinated by them). Driving down with the windows open is just massively refreshing. Cool wind to the face, music in the ears, (and lots of tyre squeal and need to get it checked :( ). This is how San Franscisco is almost through the year, cool/chilly breeze accompanied by days where the sun shone so brightly that you could have swore you saw a beach full of bikini clad women. but things are not what they appear.
The chilly pleasant weather just signals the start of the fall season. I will enjoy the weather, I will enjoy the bright colors that fall brings with it, I will enjoy wearing more layers of clothes to keep the winter from getting me,and also I am looking forward to certain things, and hoping that those certain things will fall back into place! (crossed fingers :) )

2009-07-29T13:28:00.003-04:00

michael schumacher is going to be back, behind the wheels of a(the) Ferrari F1 car. Now how much joy this brings to me , you cannot imagine.
it just feels like good old times, flashback ...

EDIT: Oh well he pulled it off... :(

the forbidden 'garden'

2009-06-30T12:40:00.009-04:00

'hey, where are you going? that place is restricted'
'hey you, stop , the camera's will get you and the hounds will catch up with you soon'

'which hounds? don't tell me they are the same one's as last time around'

' Yes, the hounds that will chase you down are passé and rechazo. they are the master's favorite hounds and they will be sent to hunt you down.'

'damn they seem to be the only one's that are sent to hunt me down'

'why do you even want to go to this place? Trust me, if get caught, the hounds will make you pay with your flesh and blood. It will not be pleasant sight'

'I just want to try harder than the previous time so that I do escape passé and rechazo. I know I can outrun them and give your Master something to think about. As for the bloodshed, I really don't want physical wounds to keep me down, and they won;t keep me down.'

'Why are you angry with the Master. Is he not your Master as well?'

'yes he is'

'Then why?'

'I saw two people sleeping in my room, both were covered head to toe. i caught one of them to find out who it is. it was someone i recognized, pale, weak, but with with a set of eyes, very bright and very menacing. he pulled me close to the light to take a look at my face. the flipside was i saw this face. I freeze everytime i think of the face; white, pale, lifeless, scary and so on....'

'how is any of this related to my question?'

'yes they are related. only your Master could have sent him there. I could have been let off by not getting to see him. let off? no why should i talk about let off, i dint do anything wrong. you see where i am getting at? you say your Master is all powerful, and this is what I had to go through. I just don't want this to be a start, i don't want this to be an end, i just want to pretend i never saw him.'

'I am sorry about that, my Master would have a reason for it. I am sure about it'

'I hope there is a reason too, I respect your Master as much as you do, but I need some answers, and I am going to find it one way or the other. And that is precisely why I am going in again. as for your hounds, I WILL bring them to their knees, maybe this time, or next time. It will happen for sure. When i learn what i want to learn, there will be this sense of everlasting peace, which will be my ambrosia. you can tell the Master of what i said, I am sure he is hearing it right now. but i d'ont want to sit down waiting for everything in my life to pass by.'

'I wont stop you, I just hope you make peace with my Master, and the hounds and most importantly with yourself. Take care, I will atleast see to it that the hounds are released after sometime to give you a head start. I owe you atleast this much. good luck my friend.'

'thanks! '

and like that he was gone( into the garden that was unfortunately forbidden..... only for him)

anniversary?

2009-06-19T15:34:00.007-04:00

rollercoaster was talking to me about her 4th anniversary after she joined her first job. she listed life and friends and fights and so on on on on ... I was wondering.. what can i say about any kind of anniversary that is important...hmmm
oh ya...had been to aerosmith concert a couple of years back. and guess what, to celebrate this I am going another aerosmith concert here! in a week's time, vkarthi, dd, pindu and me will be going to the concert.... errr its not a front row seat(or just standing) like last time, its a lawn ticket , far off from the stage... but the music will be real and I hope it gets dark by the time the music starts, would be nice to see a starry summer sky! With DD around, beer is not too far off..so beer and burger(?) and chips and what ever else... the biggest difference from the last aerosmith concert, is simply that when i went last time, i knew a few songs of aerosmith and thought they were really good. but this around, having heard quite a lot of them over the last year or so, I KNOW they are brilliant and i am sure to sing out loud atleast most of them if not all of them!
aerosmith, here i comeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

_________________________________________________________________

EDIT: The concert has been postponed to sometime later. That sucks.

one of the days when solitude is bliss!

2009-05-27T14:53:00.008-04:00

white fence bordering the green fields. The contrast was very evident even in this twilight that was closer to the night than the day. The fence looked as if it had been painted just that afternoon. The crescent Moon low on the horizon, just above the only tree manning the entire landscape. Scattered cattle grazing. birds(very few) flying across the sky making a pattern that would put the constellations to shame. The Sun that is already rising elsewhere still left its 'after effects' proving how powerful it indeed is. A few clouds hovering the west sky accentuating the golden light. I just hope I wasn't driving, otherwise I could have had my gaze fixed at this picture postcard bettering scene. With music in my ears, this put a smile on my face after a dreary and a long day at work. I wonder, had I taken my camera along, would I have been able to capture it all? But in hindsight, it really does not matter. If I did have a chance of seeing this over and over again on my desktop (arggggggg.. computer has taken over my life, cant write anything without mentioning it), it might have taken the magic away. Thank God for the lovely sunsets and starry nights, only then can we look forward to sunrises!

walkin away

2009-05-04T09:08:00.037-04:00

I hope you do understand how difficult it was for me to write the last two lines?"
"why? I thought you really meant it"

"Duh! Yes I did mean what I wrote, but I wanted to add something else too. Oh, and I did get more than just one word from your side in response."
"what did you want to write?"

":-), I am glad you asked (On a lighter note you seem to have got my questioning trait :D ). Nothing much, I just wanted to say no one can replace you. And I am sure no one will ever love you more than I do. (I know, sounds arrogant, sorry tried my best for a better line, but considering my muddled state of mind, I am just about able to string words together that make some sense)."

Silence

"I seemed to have lost the knack of making interesting and meaningful conversation"
"Dont say like that...."

Silence

"Sorry, I seem to always instill this sense of sadness in you sometimes. But ya I wanna thank you for all the time you spent with me (I never knew it was limited). Those are the memories that still keep me going now, truly. And you can never imagine how much it still means to me! :) "
The sky is white wet with the light of the moon. ah, the lake will be simply brilliant in the moon lit, otherwise dark sky, just gazing away into the distance. Actually I do go to a lake here, the only difference is that i don't have a have a hand to hold on to. (now thats y i shd learn swimming, can then do it alone!)

Silence

The past is always there to cut you when you are at the weakest point and watch you bleed!! not to death,no-no-no, its not so generous. All alone, but ya, i have deserved most of the stick I have been receiving"

Silence

"All I have to say is "Thanks" for being there for so long. I do not need you anymore.(sorry if this sounded rude, i Dint mean to sound rude)"

"(Sigh!! . I know you dint mean to sound rude)"

Footsteps leading away, only on pair though. Bright light shone through from the end which was blocked by the very person whose foot steps are hardly audible now. "I should move from this place, staying here would only prove to the world something I dint want to share. Its too bright, need to shield my eyes. Well, I keep my mouth shut when I have time to speak, and when I do decide to open my mouth to speak, the moment has passed! The result, I just start speaking and living in the past. There are so many times I decided to end it all, but the responsibilities on me, outweigh any other thoughts for now. I have to stick to my responsibilities for now, to get it over with first....
I guess this is one of the days with nothing on my mind except introspection. It's bad to have days like this pretty often. Just that I am going through this phase in life, where the best way to tackle it is to stay as calm as possible and believe that no one actually cares. That should bring some peace. It does actually"
************************************************************************************

PS: A friend of mine read it and was like "is this a private conversation"? I almost burst into laughter. I would not put up a personal conversation on a public forum like this! Just to make it clear, neither I nor anyone I know has had any 'emotional' 'heart melting/warming' 'awwwwing' 'depressive' 'saddening' blah blah conversation as above! If anyone of you had this type of conversation, my apologies.

fix me!

2009-04-30T12:33:00.008-04:00

Coldplay. Listened to them when i was in my undergraduate.
i knew only one song, 'Yellow'. I never bothered to listen to anything else from them. then i got introduced to scientist, trouble . but they seemed normal. Nothing that would make me sit up and take notice.

Last summer in California, I was supposed to go to the coldplay concert. I wanted to listen to all their songs before i went. I fell in love with "clocks". I felt that was their best. There were other amazing songs as well, 'shiver' , 'everythings not lost', X&Y', 'dont panic'...........and so on.
I was unable to make it to the concert, though.

But then came 'fix you', and 'Till kingdom comes'. It's like they have taken over all the time I have for music (which is quite a lot in a day!).

Well this is not a tribute to coldplay or tribute to their song(i am pretty sure this post does not do any justice) . But yes, they are one amazing band and if you take time to read their lyrics, they move a notch up on your playlist!

In the present state of mind, i cannot think of any other band(rather, any other song) that would make me feel good (in a depressive way though!) other than coldplay/fix you.

"When you try your best but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Tears stream down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face
And I

Tears stream down your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down your face
And I

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you "

san franscisco trip!

2009-04-07T17:07:00.037-04:00

Its been a long time since i wrote something. Every time I think I should write something, I cant decide what to write.
I am just bored sitting at office waiting for a meeting scheduled after a few hours. Listening to music, I have somehow got hooked to Hindi songs in the last couple of weeks. It feels like I have always listened to them! It all started with a trip to California a month back. Now that is a trip I can talk about and I have decided what to write about! :D
It all started with an elaborate plan with nrn,vkarthi, and me talking about visiting vinku residing in Sunnyvale on his birthday. Soon vkarthi was back to the US and the plan slowly started taking shape
There were two important things in the planning. One was getting chimpu to come from Seattle to San Fransisco and another was to keep this entire thing secret.
The air tickets were getting booked for me and vkarthi on two computers simultaneously.... after mine got through and hers was rejected, we realized there was only one available ticket on that flight! luckily that night, our night boy, nrn found another ticket on the same iterarny and hey, we felt that we were already on the way! unfortunately nrn could not join us owing to other commitments...
ah. Ticket to San Fransisco, car booked, and the thought of surprising vinku, we were really excited.
I reached the airport on time and found out that the flight we were traveling on was delayed by over 4 hours and hence our connecting flight would leave without us in it! vkarthi arrived and we were wondering..hmmmm.... "we return the tickets and get a refund" (The tickets were bloody expensive!) . Then for the noble cause of attending the birthday party(even though we were going to be late) we stuck to the plan. Boarded the delayed flight (which was deserted, only 6-10 passengers on the flight, the staff outnumbered us!) , reached DC and spent the night after parking our backsides on some chairs in DC. Luckily no further drama, and the morning flight came on time and we were on it.

The only thing that was bright at DC airport was what u see in the pic. vkarthi taking a walk and trying to get various shots.

The flight from DC to SF flies over the Rockies, and what a sight they were. I wonder why none of us actually took any pics. But from snow covered peaks to clouds flowing over the mountain top like water falling over a swollen lake, the last leg of the journey was really beautiful.
Called chimpu as soon as we landed in SF and waited for chimpu and vinku to get to the airport. Vinku dint know we were there, I just cdnt believe that vinku thought chimpu came to the airport to verify tickets or something like that! We saw chimpu, who danced and jumped like a true chimp on seeing us (vkarthi was truly impressed :D) . Then met vinku. It felt great meeting those two, felt like old times again! :)

Then on we were determined to make most of the 36 hours we had in SF. We ate at this place called "Dosa" in SF. The food was yum and tasted really good, we were the only desi's in that restaurant. Somehow chimpu stuck his head inside the kitchen and found out that the cooks were desi's only! So we were not overtly flattered, but still the food was really good.

Another trip to the lombard street
(crooked street , shown below) and the
golden gate bridge(On the right) followed.

The highlight of the day was neither of the two. It was the sunset spectacle at Half moon bay near SF.
All 4 of us took out our cameras (only vinku had an SLR at that time, vkarthi has one now and me will have one soon! :) ), kept cliking photos like there's no tommorrow.

The pic on the right somehow reminds me of RDB! :) (thanks vkarthi!)
I can only guess that we might have taken over 200 pics amongst all of us in like 20-30 minutes.

Then the drive back home, lots of catching up and then dinner. No prices for guessing what was for dinner. Pizza and coke :( . Pizza and coke are so much a part of our diet here that I feel sorry for us! We ate pizza, drank 'socially' and crashed! we were dead tired.

The next day we went to Big Sur, well the plan was to get there early. But as it happens all the time, we left home close to noon and were really hungry. But we drove on like true warriors who wanted to explore the place rather than sit and waste time in a restaurant. The drive was absolutely brilliant.
I have stayed in California during the summer. But I did not see the green pastures and green hills at all. It was just remains of numerous forest fires at that time. But this time, it was just mindblogging 'fresh green scenery'. We jostled places within the car to get into the best position to click.
Considering there were 3 of us (Vinku, vkarthi and me) drunk on photography from quite some time, it was only natural for chimpu to feel that he is missing out on something!! Slowly during the day we saw a transformation in him. He sat closer to the flowers, and if the flowers were not in the frame, not to worry, he would just yank the branches to get the flowers in the frame!!!! but overall all 4 of us enjoyed the sights and the sounds(of the camera clicks) :) .
We did end up eating at a restaurant and spending an hour there. But the restaurant was sort of peaceful with a stream running close by. The insides of the restaurant was bright with colored strips of cloth forming the roof.
Big sur trip was more of driving on California 1 highway and also seeing two places that vkarthi and I discussed over many days before we actually came; bixby bridge and pfeiffer state park. The pfeiffer state park has this magnificent water falls (the pic u see on the left!)

The journey back to airport was one of the 'tensesest' drives I have ever had. We dropped vinku at his place, packed our bags, and ran (drove, but ran sounds mo dramatic). In the car, no one spoke. We reached the rental agency, dropped the car, and ran to our terminals(we did run!!). bid adieu to chimpu on the way coz his flight was from a diff terminal. vkarthi and I boarded the flight and felt a HUGE sigh of relief! The next day at JFK airport, we took a pic of ourselves. I then realized that 'red eye' flights, really cause red eyes!! :D

vkarthi's trip saw her see as many dogs as there were cables holding the golden gate bridge(ok not so many, but a lot compared to the seemingly dry spell when she does not bump into any). Her "Can I say hello to them" somehow echoes in my mind every time I see a dog !!! :). Vinkus cinamon shots, something i have never tasted before, hmmm was different. The way chimpu slept with booze bottles all around him was funny :D ..Also chimpu's chimp like happiness on seeing us in the airport was a red bull equivalent after the long and dreary flight! vinku's "dont leave guys" when we were leaving was heart touching :P . These are some memories that I would look upon fondly.
It was a tired tired weekend, but one of the best!
Finally done with the post! :)

The pics in this post are not taken by me entirely. Its from Vinku's, vkarthi's and my camera. For those interested, I have the uploaded a few more pics of the trip, please click on the photo below:

Vinku's birthday - California trip

:)

2009-01-12T01:10:00.003-05:00

Inspiration.. for me........even now when i look at it, i cant help smiling... its a poster that reminds of me someone from long long time back..

i want

2008-11-16T12:31:00.008-05:00

"dear god,
i want a job,
i dont want to lose good friends,
i want to add to my list of really good friends,
i want to go to a concert where U2, GnR and aerosmith play in the same night,
i want to feel the happiness of being in love, hmmm.. "I am in love with the idea of being in love"
i want to learn to let go of everything and not hold onto to anything,
i want to watch a live formula one race,
i want to learn to play guitar,
i want to just take off every now and then to some really peaceful place,
i want the patience of a sage,
i want i want i want...........

when i sit down to write things that i want or things people want, i can think million more things than the list above.

Do i feel incomplete? may be. do i feel completely confident of things? may be not.
but the place i stand right now, is it the worst place ever? may be not.

i just feel absolutely selfish to ask so many things. i sometimes feel that being a "creature of circumstance" is something i have become."

hmmmm, that was nice reading my friend. there are people with nothing but just a peice of cloth to wrap themselves up, a street ligtt pole as a backrest, its light their only light, no roof to shelter them from the cold biting life.

(i wanted to put a pic, but seeing how some people suffer, i just don't have the heart to put a pic of a kid who is already half dead due to hunger and poverty. Frankly that would just make me think even more less of myself.)

sometimes i hate God for making people's lives so unequal.

one random thought

2008-10-28T13:14:00.002-04:00

"in the evening when i go for a walk...there is an empty packet pressed flat on the road which has raleigh written on it....everyday i take a look at it ......i donno why.......i haven't even picked it up to throw it in the bin.."

by the way i really don't expect all of you to understand the exact meaning of this.
one meaning is quite literal. Raleigh is a name of a place, and I am (in) Raleigh.
the other, i probably don't wanna mention.

hail destiny...

2008-10-25T12:36:00.003-04:00

if destiny controls all of us, why do we even have to try hard for anything, eventually destiny will put us where we were meant to be right?
why should we eat, destiny will anyways give us the energy we require to do what destiny wants right?
why should we sleep, destiny will anyways give us the peace of mind that’s allotted to us right?
why should we even talk or write, destiny will speak for us when its required right?
I just wonder who gave this destiny so much of control and why the hell do we say we are living our own lives when so many things in our lives are not an outcome of our own actions.

"sing for the laughter
sing for the tear
sing with me," (Dream On - Aeromsith)
cheers to destiny......

how easy life would be if this is 'always' true......

2008-10-17T12:25:00.001-04:00

"Sometimes our fate resembles a fruit tree in winter. Who would think that those branches would turn green again and blossom? but we hope it, we know it..."
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

raging waters..

2008-09-28T13:39:00.000-04:00

"Dance when you are broken open,
Dance when you have torn the bandages off,
Dance in the middle of the fighting,
Dance in your blood,
Dance when you are 'prefectly' free. "
-R and a YOU and an EM and an I

he said
"What can I say….YOU are the best part about me!! :-) .. and without you..I will always feel incomplete…" ...
now what can i say..

beatlesomania!

2008-09-25T18:42:00.000-04:00

This is the most amazing music experience i have ever had(may be there were a few more which i might mention later). The whole Beatles collection, the official autobiography (which i am yet to read apart from seeing the pictures inside them a lot of times!), Bose earphones (which i am extremely proud of buying one after a couple of years of debating its price!) and my ever so faithful ipod with the entire Beatles collection! ok i know i am 'Bose'ting, but seriously, music like this, i have seldom experienced!

changes

2008-09-12T14:55:00.001-04:00

its weird when you see things change around you so quickly, well for one you never seem to be ready for it. one thing i got to learn in the past few days is simply that things and people change, when time had carried you 'away'. one of life's saddest times is when you look around and see that there is no one actually with you. there are people who want to be with you, but no one seems to come forward. i look around, there are new things, new relationships, new people, subtle changes that I failed to notice all these days. i know this guy, who seemed to be on top of things. but now he has been stopped on the tracks, praying there is nothing coming at him. I found this nice quote (actually a line from a song). I don't want to quote it exactly, but this is the gist of what it says. It says that there are sometimes when we have lost something, we do not bother about where we are or what we are doing, we just keep thinking about what we lost. But the truth is thinking about what we lost, will just put us in a position where we would lose other things that we still have. We just need to choose between what we lost and what we stand to lose!

deep is not where you want to be

2008-08-04T16:30:00.002-04:00

going under..Deep...
maybe its not that deep...
maybe its not too far...
maybe its not that bad..
maybe its not that sad
Slow down..?
Maybe i can see more clearly..
I need not worry about stoppng for a while...
I can find any easy solution..
'any' would not do for that matter..
but a solution would do..
maybe its close..
maybe i know the place..
maybe i can think right..
maybe it just as easy as it does not look...
Yes i know the way..
i am just going insane..

title-less

2008-08-01T05:46:00.003-04:00

sometimes i wonder, what wrong did I do, sometimes i know I should not think so much, since I am who I am. I could not have been better, or worse. I did what I thought was right at every moment. I thought people who you think understand you well would see over your shortcomings and understand the true you. But then again, the practical side inside me shouts at me "you loser, you screwed up everything, stop finding any reasons, YOU are the cause". Just feels like an asteroid from the land of misery just destroyed everything that I had built, all my hopes, my happiness. everything. This continuous blame-hate relationship i have with myself never even thinks of loving myself. Not that I feel sorry for myself, life is a hard teacher. time is a wonderful thing, it takes you to the magic world, where everything is perfect then takes you for a ride, where you crash into all the things that seemed perfect, bringing everything to the floor and you to your knees. why did the magic stop? the only path ahead is a long lonely one. I see no trees, no water, nothing, except barren land that is devoid of any life all around me. may be the earth is just blending in, to what i have become, barren. sometime back i might have been a cure, but now i have somehow turned into a disease that needs to thrown away..
being 'wanted' is such a great feeling, it seems like you have a goal, something to look forward to. Everyone would go their way, I need to go.
pink floyd brings so much of painful relief, though its just coincidental that when things go wrong, there is at least someone who can understand what you are going through. the following lines of this song called "lost for words" by floyd, always bring tears to my eyes.
"Can you see your days blighted by darkness?
Is it true you beat your fists on the floor?
Stuck in a world of isolation
While ivy grows over the door"
well there is no conclusion..this is how life is..this is how things will always be...this is how you will be..this is how people will look at you...after all this is just 'another day in paradise'

Looking for: I'm looking for a life partner who is an open minded individual, an honest person, an intellectual personality, a caring human being and an understandable person for a life time of marital bliss and happiness. One who believes in living life to the fullest and can be a good friend.

let it be me!

2008-07-31T01:28:00.000-04:00

This is an amazing song, i had it all along but never heard it, now that i have heard it, it makes perfect sense. There are more love songs in this world than any others, i wonder why....

Song from Enya - "let it be me" (Many have sung this before including Elvis Presley, but this version of enya was the one i loved the most).

......................

God bless the day I found you
I want to stay around you
And so I beg you
Let it be me

Don't take this heaven from one
If you must cling to someone
Now and forever
Let it be me

Each time we meet love,
I find complete love
Without your sweet love
Tell me, what would life be?

So never leave me lonely
Tell me you love me only
And that you'll always
Let it be me

..............

journey.....

2008-07-07T18:03:00.000-04:00

his hands moved swiftly, as if it had a mind of its own. you could not see his face, bent over and covered by his long unkempt hair. it had been quite some time since he had played. and it was ages ago that he had actually played this long. his face buried in his long hair looking like a lifeless tree in the night. its amazing how people's imagination takes them where they could never go.
It had been a long day and probably like any other day. they did not need him now. how many times does he have to go through this. This was a paradise sometime back, not anymore. All that he dreamed about, all that he had learned, all the people he had met, all the people he cared for, all the people he
thought were behind him seemed to vanish in a moment.
The sting this time was too much. All he had by his side was his music, music and music. everything else was nothing more than a mirage. the few shots of vodka he had a while back seemed to take him to an entirely different place. life seemed peaceful, like floating away. This was the only time his mind felt peaceful, and he could think straight. It wont take long, he better stop and start listening. the more closer it gets, maybe the music wont sound
sweet. the place was so quiet, he could hear his mind. all the things that go on in that small place, ruined what he was, what he had become and the only way out was the way he went out. The irony was his mind made a decision on this too and he hated it.
Never had he felt this empty, absolutely no longing to go on. It was similar to the feeling one gets when you stand in the center of a shopping center or an airport terminal. You look around and find everyone have their own priorities, a sea of peoply moving all around you, and no one to stop, for you.
people had come and gone, no one stayed back with him, maybe he was too foolish to think someone would like to be with him. Everyone seemed to find better alternatives, but he was happy, atleast he was considered as one of the alternatives, maybe they liked him a little. This thought made his smile and
it felt wierd, he dint know when was the last time he actually smiled on his own.
Finally he could see it coming, slowly he lost his senses in his hands and he felt drowsy. it wont be long now. It was somehow not the way he pictured this, he did not see any of his past flashing before his eyes, nor could he feel any regret, nor was faces of his 'close' ones come before his eyes. He could just hear someone call out his name softly. It felt good, someone calling him felt like he is being accepted somewhere, where, he did not care. his lips turned upwards one last time. One small prayer.
He was thankful for not being allergic to alcohol, the inscrutable pain that he was going to experience would have killed him twice over otherwise. Its a very windy dull day. the storm raging and always threating to hit the coast. the sweeping winds that carry that the ocean along the shoreline as if it had to destroy something.
The last thought in his mind was "life is for living, and I do no want to live it alone" and he felt glad.

thoughts..

2007-11-09T02:04:00.001-05:00

Music....
it calms your mind..
it lets your imagination run wild....
its lets you listen..
it lets you speak..
it lets you think..
it lets you see..
it lets you hope...
it lets you dream...
it lets you unwind..
it lets you fly...
it lets you go back..
it lets you love..
dreams..hope..reality...dont seem to go along sometimes..
sometimes..

blue ocean...friends to be with.....love....family.....cold breeze on your face...'golden' fields.....
thats all u need...hope...hope and hope..just hope... thats all u need..
reality will wear the same colours as dreams...
the ocean will be blue again...the sky....will be clear...
the grand piano will start playing again..the words will start rhyming again..the violin will be as pleasant as ever..
The music...will be music again..to fuel your dreams...to let you hope..to let you achieve....
It.. will never die...like all good things.. hope will never die!

looking ahead

2007-11-04T23:09:00.000-05:00

Sitting on the balcony...drinking a cup of hot coffee....rain washing the window to the world...though it needs no washing.. the thought that life sometimes is not fair...moments sometimes desert you...sometimes they just linger on..to let u know...to paint your world gray..

moments...the thought...the gray skies...the cold breeze...biting into the skin...exposed...he decided against those things that would brighten his day...things that would keep him warm...things that are his..things that need his attention..things that he has no longing for...

to experience the rain..something not done for a long time..the rain ..like a thousand swords...a million swords...relentless...started its onslaught on the poor soul....one who was daring...to step out..of the shadows (so he thought..haha)..into the open...where the grass seemed greener...leaving the moments behind...things that he held on to..his past... his mouth opened for once..not to let out any secrets..just to feel the sting...

The castle..with all the walls built around him...so many times he tried to break through..It just grows stronger by the minute...all his anger feeding the walls..no wonder he had a tonne load of patience...it just was in his fate.. it was not everyday that he hears footsteps apart from his...no one liked him..no one cared for him..life seemed so hard when you are by yourself...when things go past you as if to say...you’re too slow..you DO NOT belong here...the wind stops...the sun shines elsewhere..the rain stops..there is no life..the only sound that is audible is the heartbeat...its just a matter of time before its all quiet...so quiet ..that its deafening..

dreaming of the past...all the people who cried..all who loved him...all who hated him..tears have their own way..for once he could not wipe his tears...the rain never forgives..reality never fades...or does it..."it does not fade, I can see it fading right now..hehehe" ...

his once bright eyes...don’t seem to be able to see anything....it seemed more dark then it was actually...his knees weak...falling into the ground...the grass...so close..he could smell it...the rain drops on the blades...shone brighter...there must be some light...the drops so pure..he would be amongst the purest of things around..his soul set free...would clear so many things...it was difficult to imagine...all that happened on that day...no one knew...his hand was...once held...later held the coffee mug...the one that was flavored...by a flavor he never drank before..something that he always wanted to drink..something that was not very easy to get...it was his ambrosia..his coffee..his 'life'..his 'future'....

taking another pill.."this should make me better"...or so he thought.....as he always thought..atleast this was going to end his thoughts…..the rain must stop..sometime..someday…

stand by me!!

2007-08-23T01:15:00.002-04:00

stand by me!
when i was hurt..standing all on my own...i knew i dint have to look around...coz you were standing by me..
i have crossed the thorny islands of fire...
when the brightness of darkness hit me...i was dazed..
i thought i was all alone..
but u were right there..standing by me...
i know there are places to go...
things to do...
i know the path ahead is not rosy...
i know the next part of the journey is not easy..
but then what i see after this rough journey is what keeps me going..
and i need you to stand by me...just the way you are right next to me..

I just hope u had a magic wand...
To push all the worries away...
to push all the distance away...
to get closer...
If only you had a magic wand...if only you had the magic wand :-)

you seem to be far off...
i just need to close my eyes to feel you..
but its easier said then done...
you have been a joy to me..
Like a ...like a.....

I cant believe it...
you and me.... I am still not sure how i got this lucky..
look up above...
and almighty tells me..
son, you are not dreaming..
it is real!!
please stand by me as you have always done..

For all the troubles i caused...
for all the things i shared with you..
for all the trust you gave me..
for all the love you gave me...
For standing by me...
my life...will still not equal the balance..

please stand by me..
for all the things that are left to be done..
there are quite a lot of things i need to do without you right next to me..
but i know you are there...guiding me through these times...

you are my life...missy......

PS: i have been listening to a lot to 'Stand by me' by john lennon and Oasis.... i hope these above lines are different from those in the songs (which are brilliant!!!)

EDIT: Does not matter any more. It was waste of all the energy and effort I had all these years.

the Bonnie 'D'

2007-05-28T05:39:00.000-04:00

Serious Disclaimer: This post has no reference to Boney M, nor the 'D' company nor
Bonnie Irani( where did he come from!?).

The usual beginning to the day. The alarm rang. You put it to snooze. Then it rings again. You snooze it again. hope that time suddenly stops but you are not slowed by time. You can sleep for ages that way! Struggling to open my eyes I chant the daily mantra, fold my bed, put my phone for charge and run to the bathroom!

Sometimes i feel i can sleep for ever if there is no water in this world to wash my face!..Just a few moments ago i was cribbing so badly...now i am all set to go to the next step. Catch the bus to work ( works brings a :-( to my face, but still i am eager to go for reasons other than work :D). Walking down, was confident to get onto the earlier bus. reached the stop and was eagerly(?) waiting for the bus. 5 mins..No signs of any bus..10 mins still no signs of any bus...15 mins...patience ran out..Called my friend to confirm that the bus dint come (or we missed the bus...does not matter which one...it was gone)..
Now the second part… was too lazy to walk down to another bus stop (2 KM away ) and catch a city bus to another place to catch the company bus. Now you see exactly why i was lazy. Its freakin too much work! looked for an auto and after haggling with a couple of guys finally got an auto to go where i wanted to go. i was relieved. Finally on the way to office. Reached the 'spot', the meter was exactly 32 bucks, got off and gave him a 100 ruppee.. .’Saaaar, no change saar'. Hmmm give him a 50 rupee note.... 'Saaar i have only 10 rupees’ saar, neeve Bonnie mardthaidhira (you are my first passenger for today and Bonnie means you are the first one to pay today)..no change'! . Arrey so what the..what the ...freakin what shd i do...in middle of nowhere where would i get change. No time. Took the 10 ruppee coin(s) from him. walked down to the other side of this 300 feet wide road (i am sure its this wide). 5 mins no bus...10 mins no bus...argggggg …patience running out soon. Finally the company bus..how i love to see the sight of this bus! ( I am sarcastic). Got into the bus after 'flashing' my ID-COD (when the driver asked where is ur ID-COD ..hahah... :D ) .. he gave me the book and a pen to make an entry as to what time he came to the stop. This was done normally by the first person who got into the bus. and then i realized i was the first ONE....ah! I made Bonnie again..though he dint say the word..

It was a suprise that i found my friend getting into the bus in the next stop... Was chatting along the way till we reached a 'Jam'. It was unlikely at this time but I decided to ignore it and take a much needed nap..15 mins...opened my eyes...errr...'Are we at the same place mate?' ...'yes we are'...shit...what a day! ... the reason the bus dint move an inch...there was this huge mob of people blocking the road just ahead...red flags...loud noises...there were 3 cops in all. And over 300 people for sure!
waited ...waited...patience ran out. at the wrong time....it was 8 already...and the last bus from this place going in the opposite direction must have just left...damn...wat quick thinking ..duh!

somehow sensed the crowd getting a little restless...heard 2-3 'Bangs' on the sides of the bus..realized before we are burnt inside the bus...lets run.. my friend and I got off the bus and to the other side of the mob hoping to catch an auto taking a U turn....found one but it was already occupied...the driver requested the 'occupant' to allow the 2 poor souls inside the auto...he agreed and we happily got in...here i have to mention that this is the first time i got into a running auto!! seriously this guy took off before i got one leg inside...somehow got in...survived yet another scare..
Ok..now this guy...the auto driver dropped us off midway saying he is gonna take another route completely..got off...and asked him how much...guess what he said... 'saaaar neeve Bonnie saaar'!!! freakin …am I the Bonnie man for this day or what!!! paid him the correct change as he dint have any money...as this was his Bonnie...argg..who invented this word....This has to be the Bonnie Day!!!

Took another auto from there to another place where i would be getting a company bus...got to the stop and waited patiently for the bus..5 mins, no Bus...10 Mins, No bus... 15 Mins, No bus...patience running out slowly...
Finally a bus emerges.. Some how i have this feeling that this is the same bus that was supposed to be burnt down...When I got down, there were only 5 poeple in this bus...But now the entire Bus is packed and i have no place to sit..Dint get into the bus..waited 'patiently' for the next bus...cursed all the bad people i know..for this horrendous journey...

Finally after another 15 mins got a bus to office...un fortunately sat on the wrong side of the bus...sun shining directly onto your face!...got burnt...baked...reached office like a roasted chicken :(...
imagine my plight....2 buses... 3 auto's...lots of walking involved...running involved(in the auto remember?)... and more importantly all the BONNIE's...
left home at 6:40...reached office at 9:40...a 3 hour sightseeing trip...(the actual travel time is 1 hour!!)
the Result...got up 5-10 mins from the next day... but as i am writing this...i realize i missed my bus today too!! but the trip was not all this bad!! :)

dazed..

2007-04-27T09:05:00.000-04:00

The alarm goes off. Yet another day. The room is so dark. ah..this is the daily routine...A bird..it flies so gracefully in the sky. A group of birds. a perfect orchestra. They can change
direction when they wish. But they fly anywhere that they want never sticking to a definitive
path. Never holding on to any direction. All's well they say. As long as they get food and they
reach their destination. I always wonder. Why cant we do this. Why are we afraid of the Change.
Why are we still holding our line even though it seems utterly hopeless. Why are we not as free in mind as the birds. "free as the birds"!
I keep thinking, speaking to myself, practice the lines. Over and over again. But the day never
comes. it keeps evading me! I really dont wanna think. The more you think theIts just one bumpy
ride after another.. But we all reach where we wanna go.. but it really not the lovely journey you have been
imagining..'Perseverance is the key my friend!' .. haha...thats too funny...
Looking out of a window at anytime...a vendor on the street smiles.. the small girl teasing her
dog is all smiles..the mother who is trying to tame her ever so vibrant kid..in between all the
irritation on her face..she smiles...the kid smiles...the frown is turing into a smile...but its
like a mask..a shroud on a tearful person...
Time to go.. this may not be there tommorrow... I may not be here to see it.. 'Life's short..enjoy
it' ..haha..ur getting funnier by the moment.. i should appreciate ur humour..its almost like u
can predict whats gonna happen...argg..this alarm does not give up.. ah, i remember, Its called
Perseverance..always keeps reminding me..time's up dude!.. u better be prepared..i wish i can shut of all the things.. Wanna get into This helium balloon.. and fly away...I just need some colours to paint my world..all kinds of colours..black..grey...but its too expensive..can i afford it?
I cant feel my feet..But as i look behind me..I have left my foot prints in the sand..its still there... 'Yeah..I was there'. . 'U can definetely go ahead and do better'... i swear u should be a script write of a comedy movie.. haha...ur too funny... i envy u..

I can see it. I can hear it. The storm is getting closer. I am sure of this. am I prepared?

First step into the Abyss!

2007-01-03T01:20:00.000-05:00

"shit,....... this is not how i thought this would be!" ...
carefully balancing his legs on the crevices of the rock face...one
hand gripping the tree growing off the rock face..the other still
struggling to hold on to a small opening.. damn..."Blessed by the
Devil himself"... Looking up he can still see the rock edge on
which he was standing moments ago... he sees another 'he' standing
on the very edge looking down at him mockingly.menacingly..Laughing
at his own fate....
Warm liquid dripping from his face onto his hand gave some comfort
from the cold breeze.... he was almost 20 feet away from
safety...and getting to the top was almost
impossible....considering that he could not hold onto where he was
now! looking over his shoulder towards the west...it was one of the
most picturesque sight he has ever seen...the sun at its biggest
ever...disappearing just behind the ocean..ah the ocean...'a blue
water body, managing to conceal all the turbulent happenings
underneath and still maintain a calm exterior'... his mind was
wandering....isn’t there storms that manage to ruffle the seemingly
calm exterior of the ocean?.. the calmness in the
environment....the 'orangish sky'....blue ocean with streaks of
orange reflecting the 'remains' of the once dominant sun..'is it
really that red all around or is it'... nothing lasts for ever..the
smile ,the frown....cold breeze...ah...now he shivers...'this cold
breeze is killing me'... pain is such a funny thing...as long as you
dont pay attention to it, it will not hurt you..once you give into
it..it grips your mind like a vice...you start sliding...into the
abyss..Only the strong return...only the strong..

Clearing his mind of all the 'pleasant' thoughts!..' I gotta get
out of this 'place', shouting for help will not help.. There is not
a soul in place'...The madness in him subsided.. Its really funny
that only when you have everything to lose you realize the
importance of not doing certain things that you did and also things
that you ought to have done but you dint.. He smiled.. 'I have
nothing to lose!.. no body would miss me anyways... except maybe
for the plastic cards in his wallet'... haha..a loud laugh echoing
through to the vast ocean..There's humor in all things in
life...just got to figure this out. like a beating heart in every
living person...

'I cant hold on anymore'...even the rush of adrenalin...the help
from upstairs to hold on...seems to waning....weak arms and
legs...bruises all around...red liquid blinding one eye...'i never
thought i would this lonely...f*%k you..i am not....i don’t F*&$*n
care..'...the second time the decision had to be made..'i would see
you again...maybe not'...a small slip..on his way he went...it was
a different feeling...looking at the cliff and the sky in the
background..moving further and further away..smiling..there's
nothing i can do...all the memories flashing before his eyes..His parents, friends and..Things that happened just a few moments ago. Somehow this was satisfying..A strong reply to pain and suffering...'You cannot hurt me further'...'Sorry Mom..please forgive me'..wind rushing through his ears..a different feeling when you fly for the first time...One final look at the sky and he closed his eyes with one thought lingering on his mind...'i should have not jumped in the first place'...

'When the heart rules..it's either a lot of joy or a lot of pain'
- contributed by 'smee! :)

partition

2006-12-03T13:44:00.000-05:00

"please stay back"......
The past still full of mysteries....things that seemed so right at 'that' moment don't seem all that right now.
Standing in front of the mirror...ah mirror...mirror is such a wonderful creation...it lets you see the past...to the very footsteps leading to where you are now..
Things from a world so perfect cannot be compared to what he is seeing in the mirror. The disheveled state of his hair, though he did not get up from the bed now, the tear filled eyes, gave him a more hazy picture of himself and his past. Not that it lied. Maybe this is how he should be seeing this. the light sound of music in the background only accentuating his tears rather than pacify him....he felt sorry for himself....halfway into the quicksand...and now he wants to get out...
"please stay back"....
as these words left his dry lips, i bet even his ears could not interpret it. "What's the point". It's all over now. Sometimes everything is all wrong and nothing can save the ship. It has to go.
"please stay back"......
The past has gone. He wishes that the present lasts for an eternity. But time is slipping away. He took comfort in the thought that at least the misery will not be long..ah...what a maniac!... If there was no gravity, he could have escaped all this. Damn.. 3 feet is all..he is back on earth in a moment.
The plots in his mind come back to haunt him.. maybe he should have not...or rather in a diff way..."forget it!..i can see it in the reflection, i don't need anyone to point out"....
"please come back"....
Time waits for no one....The future is just a moment away! and hoping time stays back...arggg...is something a fool would not hope...but,
"please stay back"...
Look beyond the mirror...there might be a window...a window..that will show you things that you missed...things that you came across....things that rattled you..things that helped you...OBSERVE...look at all the others...learn...take comfort...go on....

Carnival

2006-10-24T14:18:00.001-04:00

Round the corner, as they say. Things can change in an instant, just a moment. from good to bad, bad to good. But something missing is the change from bad to worse.
Dim light contrasting the fully decorated environment. Reminiscent of the past glory. It was a mystery as to why it was still here. Did anyone notice it? No. Is there anyone who cared? You must be kiddin! No. Living in the past appears so fruitful. Yet so deceiving. With the biting wind. So many people outside yet no one. An occasional smile. Billy Joel sings along "Yes, they're sharing a drink they call loneliness, But it's better than drinking alone ".
You wait for the corner. the ever so evasive corner. Its not all that bad. It’s only gonna get worse. Day after day. You just sit there, and wait, and wait for the corner. You have gone past so many times. You know it's not there. But you still wait for it. Same things you see. You wonder, are you being watched? You only hope there is someone else traveling in the same path as you are. The path that does not lead anywhere. sense of roundness to it. Remind of the past so very often. Nothing has changed. But very small details that are like sugar to a cup of coffee.
It just takes a moment. To go round the corner. Maybe next time.

55 Words

2006-09-04T07:24:00.000-04:00

After the rambling, Rize picks up from here

The message had been clear....Last train...Black attire....Brown briefcase....Somehow he failed his tormentors....This was his last task...supposedly...He feared the worst...he had 20 hours before time runs out...going back without the briefcase meant doom..for him.. and certain death, for her...He searched for his car keys..

Now its the turn of El Furibundo...The curse is forwarded!..

Continuance...

2006-08-29T10:08:00.000-04:00

I can hear someone blow their horn..But it sounds so far away.....I, for once seemed to ignore the music....I try to see who it is... But I don’t see the source....Looks like it was meant to be ignored.....I continue...I can hear it again...This time a little louder....The mirror playing tricks on me? I have to look back. and ....

Does he want the same thing as I want?..Can he see what I’m trying......there seems to be no way he can pull it off..?I am equiped..Music is pretty powerful.. My adrenalin is my music...was I over confident? NO....

Unforeseen forces trying to put me off track....seems that the wind will blow my head off if it were a little more fierce......should I go? Shouldn’t I? What was I thinking.....I don’t see him anymore....I hate reflections..of self or others...They tell you what you cannot see..Things that you would not like to see...that dark side......things that reflect...Now it is again playing tricks on me..or is it?...I have to turn back...I had to be sure that I was the only one..He was not behind me..Infact he had gained on me and was right alongside .. Almost intimidating...I have no fear...I step on it...I cut across the seemingly impossible breeze.....He follows..We pass that last obstacle on our way....Nothing can stop me now..For now it was impossible to resist..and he was the motivation for me to reach speeds that i would never have even attempted..but sanity was a thing of the past..The beats are getting faster...My hand tries to keep in touch...where is he? he is not ahead of me..ah! Not bad...

this wind...argh!...I would have loved this breeze to blow onto my face with all its fury on any other day....But not now......I just feel the bitterness...my hands seem to tremble...I did not want him to see it..It's psyching me out.. It's slowing me down..But it's not that bad...it's slowing him too..

The seemingly clear path is filled with obstacles..Life is so much different when you are faster than the rest.. Things that you would never notice now are more important...normally its supposed to be the other way around.....you seem to go through life observing very less because you never make an attempt...but with the right message...you will start noticing...Now I realize that I should have observed when I had the time to observe...OBSERVE...look for subtle changes in the environment...you can keep in touch with god..

He has edged past me...Just a few corners and we have to stop...my brain has stopped functioning...Go GO Go...the music is enchanting...i am in its spell....I cant stop..i cant give up...I cant be left behind....Go Go Go....we have almost reached the end... got to stop...stop the damn music...I hope my brain takes over....it has observed all the things that i have never seen before..

One last look ahead...is there an opening?.. yes..but, he cannot see it... I slow down...I look at him...he is slowing too..I know I can make it through... I can feel it..In just a second I through...I look back..no signs..All around..it was a different story! ...It was great...rejuvenating actually… a bitter pill.....

hmmmmm

2006-08-27T14:13:00.000-04:00

'my life is brilliant...my love is pure...i saw an angel...of that i am sure........you're beautiful..you're beautiful..' ..... i just open my eyes...see through the window...i still have half way to go....dunno what i wanted to see outside.... did not realize i was awake..looked around to see if there were any familiar faces...people turning left and then right..back again..like a boat in the stormy sea...trying to catch some sleep...life is crazy..the sun did not fade away as yet... trying to remind us that there was still some sand that has to pass to the other side ...but the hint was never taken..it's over for us and we are done with it...is it the same the other way?... well that was a question not many seemed to answer for the simple reason that they never saw the transition... when they awoke... Darkness had worked its magic.. and no one complained.. it was over...from both sides......
'You're beautiful..... You're beautiful.....You're beautiful, it's true......'

blastoff!!

2006-08-15T10:07:00.000-04:00

ok. I am finally writing something. For my BLOG! Why am i so excited about this whole thing. I have been thinking about the name for this blog for quite some time. With more than a little help from my friends,especially Du and Zon, i could zero in on this one. Now when it's time to write something here, my mind has gone grazing. Happens all the time!
Now what to expect in my blog.You can expect........Or you will be reading........................... ........................................... Timeout!!!
Damn! This thing takes a lot more time than what i anticipated. Bascially i do not know what i am going to pen down. So no preset mindset please. Be prepared to be taken to the brink of sanity (maybe over to the other side ). :D
This is all i can think of now. Ah! one entry in the blog! Finally.
cheers.